“How’s he sleeping?”
This is the question I get asked the most. It pops up in nearly every chat, right after “Hi.” It comes with a head tilt, a frown of concern, and that sympathetic tone.
I understand why people ask—it’s pretty natural when you’re talking to a sleep-deprived mom who looks more like a rundown shed than a fully functioning human. I don’t take offense; it’s innocent enough. Still, I find myself feeling uneasy about it.
What makes me anxious isn’t the question itself but rather the response that follows. The exchange goes something like this:
“How’s he sleeping?” (head tilt, concerned look)
“Not great?” I always phrase it as a question, even though I know it’s true.
“That’s tough.” (nodding slowly) “Have you tried…?”
And there it is—the dreaded part. If only The Question were just a simple inquiry! Instead, it feels like a trap, leading you down a path filled with unsolicited advice:
“Have you thought about using a white noise machine? Maybe try formula? How about letting him cry it out? Have you considered this program? That book? These methods?”
It seems everyone I meet is eager to share their two cents—or their entire life’s savings, for that matter. While I appreciate the intention behind their suggestions, it’s honestly overwhelming. There are apparently a million things I should be doing differently, which leaves me feeling like I’m failing if I don’t find the “magic formula” that will help my baby sleep through the night like all the other babies.
Just the other day, a friend of mine asked The Question. I found my mind drifting as she spoke. She had just welcomed her first baby a week ago, yet she’d devoured countless books on childbirth and parenting. I braced myself for the unsolicited sleep guidance from someone who had only been a mom for a mere week (cue sarcastic eye roll).
I shared my usual reply about my baby’s sleep struggles, and then my friend said, “Ah. That’s pretty normal, huh?”
I blinked in surprise. Normal—what a comforting word.
Suddenly, my baby’s sleep difficulties didn’t feel like a problem that needed fixing. It didn’t require advice because there was nothing wrong with him or me. Some babies just don’t sleep well, and that’s perfectly normal.
You might think it’s pretty obvious, but this was the most relieving insight I’ve ever received.
I’m not saying there aren’t things I could explore to help him sleep better—there are certainly books and methods out there. I’m still chasing that elusive goal of restful nights rather than short catnaps. I even ask for advice from a few trusted sources. But now, when someone poses The Question, I know exactly how to respond. I confidently say, “He’s sleeping like a baby,” and then I steer the conversation elsewhere.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the common question new moms face about their baby’s sleep patterns and the overwhelming advice that often follows. It highlights the importance of recognizing that sleep struggles can be normal and not necessarily indicative of parenting failures. The author encourages readers to embrace their situation, offering a simple and confident response to the often-dreaded question.