A few weeks back, while shopping at the mall, I caught sight of a delightful couple sitting on a nearby bench. The man gazed at the woman with such tenderness that it drew my attention away from my shopping. He had just treated her to a cookie, and her eyes sparkled with joy as she took the first bite, offering him a piece he graciously declined.
They were engrossed in a conversation, seemingly unaware of the world around them. As I completed my purchase, I couldn’t help but watch as he lovingly brushed a stray hair from her face; it was the most heartwarming gesture. I paused at the store entrance, captivated by their interaction. She was animatedly sharing a story, and his unwavering gaze and smile revealed just how enthralled he was. The cookie lay forgotten on her lap as he tenderly wiped a crumb from her cheek. It was clear he cherished every moment with her.
Eventually, I realized I was intruding on their intimate moment and stepped outside. Just then, my husband picked up the cookie from our daughter’s lap, turned to me, and announced it was time to head home. As I joined them, I couldn’t shake the thought of when my husband had looked at me with such adoration. I honestly couldn’t remember.
As we walked, I observed the way he interacted with our daughter—patient, kind, and full of warmth—so different from the way we treated each other on most days. Our conversations had shifted to mundane exchanges about chores, schedules, and meals, replacing the romantic walks and hand-holding we once enjoyed. It felt as though our marriage had become more of a functional partnership, and I was left feeling like a third wheel.
Like many couples, we had become so enamored with our child that we had forgotten how to nurture our relationship. I pondered what kind of example we were setting for her. Would she see a life devoid of joy in favor of mere stability? That thought troubled me more than the disdain I sometimes felt from my husband after disagreements.
As we reached the parking lot, my husband opened the car door for our daughter but left me standing outside in the cold. It seemed he was unaware of my inner turmoil. I climbed into the car, sitting silently while they sang along to the radio. After a few moments, he turned to me and asked, “What’s wrong?” I forced a smile, replying, “Nothing, just enjoying the music,” and joined them in song, which is my usual way of deflecting.
I recognized that this reaction wasn’t helping my situation, nor was it the example I wanted to set for our daughter. I often avoided conflict, preferring to keep the peace, but I also realized my husband likely didn’t know how I felt. So, I resolved to work on our relationship.
I am grateful that I married a man who loves our daughter so deeply. I believe that if he can express such love for her, he can also show me that same affection. I’ve never communicated my feelings directly, and I suspect many women fall into the trap of trying to meet societal expectations instead of asking our partners what they need from us.
The first step I plan to take is to openly ask my husband what he needs from me. I’ll also share my own needs in return; after all, neither of us can read minds. I want to be the partner I’d hope our daughter would one day choose for herself. I’ll show interest in his day, offer a comforting back rub, and strive to look at him the way I wish he would look at me. I believe this is the beginning of a positive change.
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Summary
The author reflects on the love she once shared with her husband, realizing that their relationship has shifted focus toward their daughter. Acknowledging the need to rekindle their connection, she decides to openly communicate her feelings and needs, aiming to set a positive example for their child.