It’s no secret that parenting can be exhausting. There are days when it feels like I’ve pushed my kids—maybe a bit too far—over the fine line between making them tired enough to sleep and wearing them out to the point of chaos. Long walks, festive holiday excitement, celebrating a 4th birthday, and the joy of having a week off at home can take their toll. Without the usual nursery drop-offs or morning train commutes, I found myself giving in more often than usual.
But all that excitement led to fatigue. Instead of being the comforting presence they needed, I became snappy and impatient. Small things, like their refusal to put on their coats or spilling dinner while playing around, became triggers for my frustration. My reactions were anything but measured; I raised my voice and expressed annoyance over trivial accidents.
Watching them have meltdowns over equally minor issues only added to my irritation. I felt exhausted by their tiredness and silliness—things that truly shouldn’t have bothered me. I placed them in bed early, hoping they would drift off quickly, and as they slept, I tucked them in gently, kissing their soft cheeks goodnight.
Downstairs, with a gin in hand, I reflected on my behavior. I knew I hadn’t been the kind of mother they needed at that moment; I’d failed to provide the gentleness and kindness they deserved. Yet, I didn’t feel guilty about it. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that it’s perfectly acceptable to step back from being the ever-calm parent who absorbs all the drama, tears, and tantrums.
Sometimes, it’s okay to be too worn out to keep my voice steady when they accidentally knock over their milk during playtime. It’s alright to feel frustrated when I have to dress them, even though they’re capable of doing it themselves, especially when we’re running late. It’s human to be annoyed when another meal ends up in the trash or when they refuse to hold my hand while crossing the street. It’s okay to show them that I’m affected, too.
After all, we’re just human. We’re mothers striving to be the ones with all the magical solutions, who don’t lose their cool when stepping on a stray Lego piece, and who manage to tidy away toys each night. We try to make the most of every moment at home, making up for the hours we’re apart. We’re all just doing our best.
I’ve decided that I won’t feel bad anymore for not getting everything right all the time. I’m not going to apologize or dwell on regrets. There will always be tough days—ones that test our patience and resilience—but these days, though infrequent, may be necessary.
I wasn’t my best self that day. When we were all tired and in need of a break, I didn’t allow us to slow down. Perhaps next time I will ease the pace. But if I don’t, it may just be because we’ve grown accustomed to keeping things running smoothly.
Most of the time, I am their anchor. But sometimes, I can’t be. And that’s perfectly alright. The day may not have been pretty, but it’s over now, and we’re all okay.
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Summary:
Parenting can be overwhelming, and it’s normal to lose patience at times. While we strive to be calm and nurturing, it’s acceptable to acknowledge our own fatigue and frustration. We’re all just trying to do our best, and it’s okay to not have perfect days. Embracing our humanity allows us to move forward positively.