When I first met my partner, he resided in a cozy one-bedroom apartment that was impeccably organized. I was convinced he might be a minimalist, but little did I know, I was in for a surprise! His storage unit was a hidden world of collected treasures that I had yet to discover.
There were subtle signs of his pack rat tendencies, such as a prom mug from two decades ago filled with an assortment of promotional pens on his desk. I overlooked it, as I too have been known to cling to certain items. I’m guilty of hanging onto clothes with tags still attached, letting them sit in the closet for years. I even have scented candles in the basement that seem to have been aging since time began. I admit to keeping the protective film on my new phone for a few months just to maintain its pristine look.
While I consider myself borderline obsessive-compulsive—valuing high-quality items—he seems to suffer from a case of “Keep Everything Because You Might Need It One Day.” We haven’t reached the level of hoarding that you’d see on TV, but his fascination with gadgets is certainly extensive. We own a shop vacuum, a car vacuum, a handheld vacuum, a robot vacuum, and various others that have seen better days but are kept for parts. My current vacuum? A product of an infomercial he stumbled upon while flying, which he was sure I would adore because of its many attachments.
We have an air compressor for every conceivable use: one for bicycles, another for car tires, and yet another for inflating the air mattress we plan to take camping—whenever we finally decide to buy a tent. His closet is overflowing with V-neck sweaters that he never wears but refuses to part with because they were gifts from his mother.
And don’t even get me started on the wires. It should have been a red flag when I saw his high school yearbook, where his senior quote read, “I dream of someday building a supercomputer.” Wires are literally everywhere! They’re packed into boxes in the home office, crammed into our car glove compartments, stuffed into junk drawers, and piled sky-high in plastic bins in the garage. They have survived seven moves, multiple storage units, and even a cross-country relocation.
USBs, HDMI cables, coaxial cords, and a plethora of outdated chargers—if it exists, we probably own it. I’ve tried to declutter multiple times, leaving strategic piles of wires on his nightstand and by the bathroom sink, asking, “Do you really need these?” My household motto is, “If it doesn’t have a name, it’s fair game for getting tossed!” Yet, I’m met with responses like, “That’s a D2345699 coaxial cable. It’s good to keep around.”
Good to keep? I understand he enjoys tinkering with them. I frequently find him in the attic wrestling with wires, drilling holes in walls, and rigging various devices. Our thermostat, it seems, is hooked up to a laptop that connects to a router that ultimately reaches the cloud—all through an elaborate network of cables.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get more chaotic, he introduced a collection of mini-drones into the mix. I’ve survived one obsession with model planes, and now this? Transmitters and chargers are monopolizing every outlet in our home. If one more quadcopter hovers dangerously close to my head in the living room, I might just snap and toss it out the window! But I know he’ll just retrieve a tiny wrench from the garage and fix it in no time.
And speaking of fans, if you ever need one, we are your go-to source. From oscillating fans to box fans, we have them all. It seems my partner has a genuine love for fans, both big and small.
On the bright side, if an apocalypse were to strike, we’d have everything we need to survive—at least until the power goes out! But don’t mention that around him, or he’ll start stockpiling generators and battery-operated gadgets.
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Summary:
This humorous reflection shares the challenges of living with a partner who has a penchant for collecting items, from gadgets to wires, and how it can transform home life into a quirky adventure.