Pregnancy Chronicles: My Unfiltered Journey
I first encountered our delivery driver, Jake, during my second pregnancy while trying to juggle a demanding 1-year-old. If he showed up at an inconvenient time—like nap time, feeding time, or during my all-time favorite TV reruns—I’d feel a surge of annoyance. Did he really need to honk the horn and ring the doorbell so loudly? Couldn’t he come around 3 p.m. instead? Apparently, my dream delivery schedule wasn’t feasible. After a few weeks of my disgruntlement, Jake began tiptoeing to my porch and quietly leaving packages before dashing away.
However, on those rare occasions when he arrived at a better time, I’d offer him cookies and attempt lighthearted banter. I may have even asked him to watch my child while I took a quick shower or prepared dinner—only to learn that was outside his job description.
The Weighty Matter of Pregnancy
Throughout my pregnancy, I found myself gaining far more weight than the average woman, and it was hard not to harbor envy for those who managed to stay within the recommended 30 pounds. I ended up weighing 50 pounds more than my husband, which was a bit embarrassing considering he’s over six feet tall. I often wondered how others maintained their figures while I indulged in daily bags of peanut butter cups followed by Doritos.
Heating Up: My Temperature Troubles
My body temperature skyrocketed during pregnancy, leaving me feeling hotter than the sun. Despite my husband’s consistent requests to close the windows as autumn approached, I insisted on keeping them open, even with frosty weather creeping in. I would drape a sliver of a sheet over one leg and sleep peacefully, while my husband bundled up in blankets like a hibernating bear. More than once, I stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around myself (which didn’t cover much by the end) and marched outside for a breath of fresh air. The coolness was heavenly! If anyone caught me in the act, I have no regrets.
Navigating Food Cravings and Sensitivities
In the early months, I couldn’t stand the smell of certain foods—onions, specific cuts of beef, and anything fried. Absolutely no cooking or eating these around me! Eventually, I returned to my familiar self (for a brief moment) before morphing into a new persona craving bizarre food combinations like burnt cheese topped with tuna. Everyone had to tread carefully around my culinary masterpieces, and they were welcome to bring me chocolate-covered graham crackers or cream cheese, provided they didn’t expect to share.
The Puppy Dilemma
At six months pregnant with my third child, I impulsively decided to adopt a puppy. Friends and family warned me against it, citing my chaotic household with a toddler, a two-year-old, and a baby on the way. But I was convinced this puppy was meant for me, and the thought of letting her go brought me to tears. Admittedly, it might not have been my wisest choice, but I’d do it all over again without hesitation.
The Quest for Affection
Even while donning my worn-out robe and nasal strips, I wanted my husband to find me irresistibly attractive. I imagined him bringing me fried chicken every night (which he couldn’t eat) and pampering me like the queen I felt I was destined to be. But, alas, carrying an extra 50 pounds didn’t exactly help my cause. It turns out that my expectations may have been a tad unrealistic.
Reflecting on my experiences, I feel ready to tackle another pregnancy with a bit more pragmatism. Perhaps I could arrange for some fried chicken delivery or find a foot-rubbing service—I’m sure one exists now!
My kids no longer nap, a win for Jake, and I might just skip the dreaded weigh-in with my midwife. However, there’s still the Pinterest factor to consider. During my previous pregnancies, I missed the chance to compare my basic nursery with the dreamy designs showcasing organic sheets and custom accents. That may be my biggest hurdle, but I’m optimistic that with some adjustments, my husband can handle it all.
For more insights on home insemination, check out this related article on intracervical insemination. If you’re seeking expert advice on fertility solutions, visit Make a Mom. For additional resources on pregnancy, consider exploring the Fertility Center at Johns Hopkins.
Summary
This article humorously explores the author’s experiences during her pregnancies, highlighting the ways she used her condition to justify unreasonable behaviors and cravings. From managing food sensitivities to the challenges of gaining weight, the narrative captures the ups and downs of pregnancy while reflecting on the realities of parenting.