“Look at that girl; she can’t talk.”
As I navigate the grocery store with my 3-year-old, Sophie, and my 1-year-old, Noah, I’m focused on gathering ingredients for her favorite treat—a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Sophie, with her bubbly spirit, responds with a mix of sounds and words, “Yeah, yay, Mommy! Yummy! With pink!” (Her way of asking for strawberry jam.) However, Sophie has an expressive speech delay, and while she has never uttered the phrase “I love you, Mommy,” she shows her affection in her own unique ways. She gently places her small hands on my cheeks, pulls me in for eye contact, and says, “Hi, my Mommy. Hi.” Then, she wraps her arms around me, sighing with contentment.
In that moment at the grocery store, I feel an irrational urge to chase after a little boy who made that remark—someone who doesn’t know my daughter or her journey. I wish I could explain to him that Sophie has a lot to say; we’ve been working with a speech therapist since she was 2, and her progress has been remarkable. I think about the countless hearing tests we’ve conducted, our worries about her birth when the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. But I also grapple with self-doubt: Did I do something wrong? Should I have enrolled her in daycare? Did I read to her enough? Was I too attached? Did I let her have a pacifier too long?
If you’re parenting a child with a speech delay or any developmental challenge, you know the endless cycle of questioning. You just want to know why this is happening and if there was something you could have done differently. As my mother-in-law often points out, society tends to place blame on mothers for everything—whether it’s bad behavior, picky eating, or developmental delays.
But here’s the truth: it’s not your fault.
I understand Sophie, perhaps better than anyone else. She may struggle to express herself, but she is trying her hardest to communicate. I long to share with that little boy and his mother how much progress she has made since starting preschool, where a speech pathologist and supportive teachers work with her on her IEP goals. She’s learning to form sounds, string words together, and engage with others. I want to tell him about her imaginative play, how she narrates her dolls’ adventures, saying, “Here, Mommy,” while patting the space next to her. “Mommy, Daddy, baby, me.” These are her little friends.
This year, Sophie even went trick-or-treating, proudly saying “tick-teat” and “tank you.” Her excitement about Santa Claus is infectious—she shouts, “Ho. Ho. Ho! Uppy, Mommy!” There’s an entire world of words she’s trying to convey, even if she can’t express them all just yet.
The little boy has long since moved on, and my thoughts swirl as Sophie looks up at me, quiet now. “What a silly boy,” I say with a smile. “Of course, you can talk. We were just chatting about yummies with green jam.”
She giggles, and so does Noah. “No, Mommy! Pink!”
“Pink jam?”
“Uh yeah!”
It’s not your fault, dear mom. Someday, you might find yourself wishing for just a moment of silence because she won’t stop talking. You’ll remember the days of deciphering her words and cherish those playful moments filled with ‘pink yummies.’
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out our blog on home insemination kits, which is a valuable resource for couples on their journey. If you’re interested in artificial insemination, Make a Mom provides expert guidance too! For more on fertility treatments, you can visit What to Expect When You Have Your First IUI.
Summary
Navigating life with a 3-year-old who has a speech delay can be challenging, filled with self-doubt and societal judgments. However, understanding and supporting your child’s unique communication style is essential. With patience and the right resources, like speech therapy and supportive environments, improvements can be made. Celebrate your child’s progress and cherish the moments of connection, knowing it’s not your fault.