In public restrooms, it’s not uncommon for me to search through several stalls before finding one with a clean toilet seat. It’s not a pleasant experience. While I understand that pee on the seat isn’t a crisis of global proportions, it is an annoyance that I believe warrants attention. Ladies, we deserve better. My mom always advised me to propose solutions instead of just complaining, so here’s my suggestion: how about we all just sit down on public toilets? Shocking idea, right? (Yes, I’m speaking to you, squatters!)
I completely understand the discomfort that comes with having your thighs and part of your behind touch a seat that was just occupied by a stranger. Nobody enjoys sharing dead skin cells with someone else—especially not those from the rear end. I get the anxiety of possibly sitting in a stranger’s pee. There’s definitely a special place in the underworld for people who tease babies and kick puppies, forcing them to sit in someone else’s urine for eternity.
So, if you prefer to squat, I can relate. But if your intention is to avoid contact with the remnants of someone else’s skin, you’re not helping; you’re actually the issue—THE issue. Your squatting is making it impossible for the rest of us to enjoy sitting on a toilet that hasn’t been desecrated.
The challenge with squatting is that women have limited control over where the pee lands, which is, ironically, why toilet seats were invented. Unlike men, who have a built-in aiming device, women face a challenge. When squatting, it’s entirely possible for our pee to spray everywhere except the intended target. It can splatter on our clothes, shoes, the floor, and yes, the toilet seat.
Moreover, squatting is a form of exercise, and I think we can all agree that mixing that with bodily functions is less than ideal. And let’s not even discuss the difficulty of trying to do number two while in a squat.
To all the squatters out there: if you enter a stall with a pristine toilet seat and choose to squat, you’ve just ruined the chance for the next person to enjoy a clean, comfortable experience. Sure, it’s technically the cleaning staff’s job to spruce things up, but do you really want to make their task even more unpleasant due to your reluctance to sit?
When you squat, leaving a mess behind, the next person faces a dilemma: they can either A) find another stall, B) clean up your mess with toilet paper, or C) squat as you did. None of these options are appealing.
This is why we all need to unite and agree to sit. And by “all,” I mean everyone. It’s like herd immunity for public toilets! Plus, let’s also pledge to keep our thighs and behinds clean. If we can rely on each other to maintain a certain level of cleanliness, it’ll make the whole process easier. By collectively choosing to sit on the toilet seat—which, let’s be honest, is its intended purpose—we can avoid the nightmare of sitting in someone else’s urine or accidentally getting our own on ourselves in an attempt to avoid the issue. It’s a win-win situation!
So, how about it, squatters? Time to make a decision. My little one really needs to use the restroom!
P.S. Just to clarify, my brilliant solution does not extend to porta-potties. In those cases, it’s best to avoid sitting down at all, even if it means a little discomfort.
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In summary, it’s time for all women to embrace the idea of sitting down in public restrooms. By doing so, we can keep our spaces cleaner and more pleasant for everyone. Together, let’s make a collective effort to sit down and maintain the cleanliness of our shared facilities.