Reflecting on the day my daughter, Lily, was born, I can’t help but think it all began when she was placed on my chest. Gazing into her tiny, wrinkled face, I remember wondering, “Who are you?” She looked nothing like the little girl I had imagined. Where was the strawberry-blonde fuzz? The rosy complexion? If I took after my mother, I assumed my daughter would bear a resemblance to me too.
But that wasn’t the case.
In those early moments, it became clear that despite the fleeting resemblance that newborns often share with their parents, Lily was her own person. She didn’t match my expectations, and that was okay. I told myself she looked like her dad, and seeing his features in her brought me joy. I thought perhaps she could still be my little mini-me in spirit, if not in looks.
However, I soon discovered that it wasn’t just her appearance that diverged from what I had envisioned. Lily’s spirited nature was evident right from the start. Family members would remark, “Look at that expression!” We affectionately dubbed it “The Stink Eye.” She delivered it with intensity, and others would comment, “She certainly has a strong personality, doesn’t she?” The unspoken message was clear: this one would keep us on our toes.
As the years passed, I came to realize that “strong-willed” was the term that best encapsulated my daughter. She is a determined, headstrong child with an attitude that could rival a teenager—packed into a petite 30-pound body.
Where was the sweet, agreeable daughter I had imagined? I had envisioned a little girl who would be nurturing and kind, a miniature version of myself caring for her younger siblings. How naive I had been!
Of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the moments of embarrassment and frustration I’ve faced due to Lily’s temperament. There have been times when I returned home after a short trip, eager to hold her, only to be met with rejection. Or when she wakes up after a solid night’s sleep, only to scold me for simply being there. There are the occasions when she acts defiant or rude without any clear reason and when a friendly acquaintance is met with nothing but The Stink Eye.
Yet, I’ve learned that it’s not about correcting behavior; it’s about understanding who she is at her core. Many of her traits don’t require discipline but rather an acceptance of her unique personality. We maintain a structured household where inappropriate behavior is addressed, but how can you discipline an inherent trait?
There are moments, albeit rare, when Lily’s softer side shines through—when she curls up on my lap or tenderly kisses her baby sister’s forehead. Those instances fill my heart, and even though I sometimes wish she could be like that all the time, I remind myself not to desire a version of her that doesn’t exist.
In the end, I’ve come to understand that my rigid expectations were holding me back from fully embracing my child—the good and the challenging. Her unexpected qualities define her uniqueness. Yes, she tests my patience daily, but she also prompts me to reevaluate what it means to be a parent: a boundless love that knows no conditions.
So, while Lily may not fit the mold I had envisioned, perhaps that was the plan all along. She has taught me about acceptance, resilience, and gratitude. The truth is, I love her fiercely. She might not be the daughter my youthful imagination conjured, but she is undeniably the person she is meant to be—and she belongs to me.
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Summary
The author reflects on the unexpected traits of her strong-willed daughter, Lily, and the journey of embracing her unique personality. While she may not fit the author’s initial vision of a sweet and nurturing child, Lily’s spirited nature teaches valuable lessons about acceptance and unconditional love.