Having a son and a daughter has offered me insight into the differing societal reactions to their tumbles. With my son, I often heard encouragement like, “Get up! Shake it off!” But when my daughter takes a spill, the atmosphere shifts. Instead of urging her to rise, friends and family rush to coddle her, expecting me to do the same.
My daughter, an adventurous spirit, took her first steps at just 9 months old. She’s quite nimble, and just yesterday, she climbed a small rock wall at the park. With all this activity, she falls quite often—tripping over her brother’s toys or her own feet as she races around. While I do my best to keep her safe, minor falls are inevitable.
I always stay nearby, ready to assist, but I don’t rush in every time she stumbles. If she appears unharmed, I encourage her with a simple, “You’re okay! Get back up!” Most of the time, she does just that. She might get a little scrape or bruise, but when I remain calm, she does too. However, I can’t help but notice how others react.
At a recent neighborhood gathering, someone remarked, “You’re making me anxious!” because I didn’t intervene after one of her falls. In our own yard, a kind neighbor instinctively caught her before she landed in the grass. At my parents’ house, they urged, “Lily, grab her!” as she stumbled over a toy. Even strangers at the park felt compelled to step in when she began to go down a slight slope.
Despite this well-meaning concern, I am committed to allowing her to pick herself up. While she may not fully grasp these lessons now, I want her to grow to understand several important truths:
- She Is Just as Brave as Her Brother. Growing up with a protective older sibling, I want my daughter to feel equally strong and courageous, regardless of her age or size.
- Life Isn’t Always Fair. It pains me to think she will face hurt—physically or emotionally. Teaching her resilience is essential; falling is part of life, but getting back up is what truly matters.
- Independence is Key. As she grows, she will have to navigate the world without me at her side. I want her to gradually learn independence, even now as a toddler.
- Failure Precedes Success. Falling and failing are vital experiences that help us appreciate our achievements. I want her to embrace these moments, knowing they contribute to her growth.
- It’s Okay to Cry, but Not Every Time. While I recognize the importance of expressing emotions, I want her to understand that she doesn’t need to cry over every minor setback.
- Her Worth is Not Based on Appearance. I’ve noticed many comments suggesting she should stay clean. I want to instill in her that her value transcends looks and that it’s perfectly fine to get a little messy.
As a mother, my instinct is to scoop her up whenever she falls. Yet, teaching her to rise on her own is equally vital—both literally and metaphorically. I will always be there for her when she truly needs me, but I also want her to realize her inner strength. After all, there will come a day when she’ll venture into the world without me.
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In summary, allowing my daughter to experience falls while knowing I’m there if needed teaches her resilience and independence. It’s a delicate balance between protection and empowerment, but one that I believe will serve her well as she grows.