I’m totally messing up my kids for life, and honestly, I’m pretty okay with that. Don’t get me wrong; I never intended to do this. But after coming to terms with my parenting style, it’s clear that I’m making some questionable choices—maybe even a lot of them. It’s a rite of passage, I suppose; all parents mess up their kids in some way, right? (Except my dad. If you’re reading this, Dad, you’re off the hook. Seriously.)
I recognize my shortcomings, and you know what? That’s perfectly fine. Instead of setting up a college fund, I think we might be better off establishing a therapy fund. It just feels more realistic.
Take, for example, my youngest child. Yes, he’s had formula—yes, the kind that may as well be labeled “from the Devil’s kitchen.” Sure, it probably helped him thrive, but let’s be real; it’s still formula. My kids also watch their fair share of TV. I wouldn’t want to disclose how much, as I’d either be judged for it being too little or too much. Let’s just say my oldest can’t stop singing those catchy jingles from Daniel Tiger. After 18 months of daily exposure, I’m pretty sure those tunes will be lodged in their minds for the next couple of decades.
I’m not even a huge fan of television. I’ve read all the articles on how detrimental it can be for kids, and I agree with them. Yet, I still let them watch. I mean, I’ve even strapped them into their high chairs, turned on an episode of Daniel Tiger, and snuck away for a quick shower. At least it’s PBS, right?
Now, let’s talk about vegetables. I went into parenthood armed with all the right information. Eat your greens while pregnant, puree fresh veggies, and expose them to new tastes repeatedly. The goal? Have my toddlers request zucchini at the farmer’s market. But somewhere around try number 14, I threw in the towel. The last time my kids willingly ate a veggie that wasn’t a potato was during Thanksgiving—specifically, the pumpkin pie crust.
Foreign language exposure? Not happening here. Unless you count the French I picked up in college, which mostly involved what I learned from my fellow bus riders. My boys are obsessed with anything that moves, so if you hear them shouting, “Truck!” or “Ship!” now you know why!
I’ve devoured countless articles titled something like “Parenting: You’re Doing it All Wrong.” I can’t help but click on them, eager to learn exactly how I’m failing my kids, especially regarding the debate on working versus staying at home. I’ve done both! So, my kids are destined to experience the effects of being both ignored and overly coddled. Sorry, kiddos.
It’s not that I don’t aspire to improve. I read those parenting tips (usually on my phone while my kids are climbing all over me) and try to implement them—albeit for just 20 minutes. It’s not that I want my kids glued to the TV or munching on chips instead of broccoli. It’s just that making it all work seems impossible. Guilt hasn’t prompted me to buy them a single educational toy made from organic kale yet.
But if these so-called “failures” are what ruin my children for life, then I’m more than okay with it. I hope one day they’ll call me up in 20 years, lamenting how I ruined their lives because I let them watch too many reruns of Daniel Tiger and now they can’t shake the “When You Have to Go Potty, Stop and Go Right Away!” song from their heads. I mean, it could be worse, right?
They’ll undoubtedly have a laundry list of things I’ve done wrong, and I’ll likely add to that list as they grow. But here’s the thing: I’m really good at one vital aspect of parenting—I love them deeply. They are every ounce of joy in my life.
So if the worst thing they can say about me is that they watched too much TV and didn’t eat enough greens, then I’m more than fine with that. They will always be showered with love. And if letting go of some of that worrying opens up more space in my heart for them, I will gladly choose that route every single time.
This article was originally published on Jan. 22, 2023. For more on parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource.
Summary
In this candid reflection on parenting, Lisa Hartman humorously accepts that she’s making mistakes while raising her kids. From allowing them to watch TV to neglecting their vegetable intake, she embraces the inevitable parenting challenges and prioritizes love over perfection. Ultimately, she believes that as long as her children feel loved, they’ll be just fine despite her shortcomings.