By: Mia Thompson
Date: Jan. 24, 2016
Image: wherelifeishidden / iStock
Dear Soon-to-Be Mom,
Congratulations on your little one! I hope those early stages of pregnancy have been gentle on you and that you’re enjoying those delightful little kicks.
The other day, as we chatted—your baby bump and my little one nestled in my arms—you voiced your frustration about the avalanche of advice coming your way from already-moms. I won’t lie; it stung a bit, especially since I had just shared some of my favorite tips for newborn care. But then I took a moment to reflect—I remember all too well being that first-time mom, overwhelmed and annoyed by unsolicited advice. I often wished that the experienced moms would just offer a simple congratulations and let it be.
Now that I’ve walked both paths, I want to formally extend my sincerest apologies: From all of us already-moms to you soon-to-be moms, I’m truly sorry.
I’m sorry for interrupting you with unsolicited advice.
I completely understand how frustrating it can be to receive guidance from strangers. When I was expecting, I longed for a peaceful outing without someone at the grocery store or park bombarding me with tips on feeding, sleeping, or maintaining a romantic relationship with my partner. However, I realize that we already-moms see that lovely baby bump and instinctively want to share our experiences. We remember the joy, but also the overwhelming challenges of new motherhood. Our intent is not to annoy but to support you, hoping to ease some of the struggles we faced. If we had known things like the soothing effect of a vacuum cleaner on a crying baby or that a pacifier wouldn’t ruin nursing, those early months would have been so much smoother for us. Please understand, it’s all coming from a place of love.
I’m sorry for sharing our birth stories.
I know you’re likely feeling anxious about the whole labor process and hearing about tearing and stitches can be less than reassuring. When we recount our experiences, it’s often difficult to strike the right balance between being honest and not frightening you! Before my daughter arrived, a fellow mom assured me that labor wasn’t that bad, but after giving birth, I couldn’t help but ask her what she had meant. The truth is, while labor can be excruciating, it’s fleeting, and soon you’ll be cradling a warm, squirming baby, and all the pain will fade away.
I’m sorry for repeating the same questions.
Your due date? The nursery theme? While it may seem intrusive, many already-moms are simply reminiscing about their own pregnancies. We appreciate your patience in indulging us!
I’m sorry if we seem skeptical of your grand parenting plans.
You might share your desire for an all-organic, screen-free upbringing, and we might respond with a knowing scoff. This isn’t meant to be unkind; it’s just that we know how quickly priorities can shift once you actually meet your little one. You’ll soon discover that the best-laid plans often change as you learn what works for your unique child. When the time comes that you find yourself breaking a promise you made during pregnancy, we’ll be right there with you, sharing a laugh about the things we once thought were so important.
I’m sorry for the overly personal questions.
When we ask if you’ve begun to dilate or if you plan to breastfeed, it’s our way of welcoming you into the sisterhood of motherhood. While it might feel awkward now, you’ll find that after your baby arrives, you’ll soon be discussing everything from diaper contents to postpartum care with a new sense of camaraderie.
I’m sorry for telling you to sleep now.
When we suggest that you take some time for yourself before the baby arrives, it’s because we genuinely want you to enjoy these last moments of tranquility. Life is about to change dramatically in ways you can’t yet imagine, so savor this time.
So, to all the soon-to-be moms out there, I apologize for the unsolicited advice, the birth tales, and the curious questions. I promise I’ll try to hold back when I see you next, but know that my intentions are filled with warmth and support. You have so much ahead of you, and I wish you endless joy and patience as you step into motherhood. I vow that the next time we cross paths, I’ll simply say, “Congratulations!”
If you want to explore more about family-building options, check out this excellent resource from Resolve. For those interested in home insemination options, consider looking into the CryoBaby at-home insemination kit as a fantastic solution. And if you’re curious about further insights, you can read more on our blog about intracervical insemination.
Summary:
This heartfelt letter is an apology from already-moms to soon-to-be moms, acknowledging the overwhelm of unsolicited advice and personal questions during pregnancy. The author reflects on the shared experiences of motherhood, aiming to convey that all advice stems from a place of love and understanding. The letter emphasizes the joys and challenges of new motherhood while reassuring soon-to-be moms to embrace their journey with patience and joy.