I hope it’s alright to call you Leo!
First, I want to take a moment to offer an apology. After watching The Revenant, I finally understood the purpose behind your man bun. The rugged, scruffy look had me a bit concerned, but I see now it was all part of your role. I’m sorry for doubting you, even if just for a moment. I’ve come to appreciate your choices in partners a bit more too.
Now, let’s get to the heart of this letter:
I’d like to put myself forward as your date for the Oscars. Sure, I know the likely choice is your wonderful mom, Irmelin, and she absolutely deserves to be by your side. But I thought it might be fun to throw my name into the mix.
So why would you consider taking someone like me, you might ask? Well, for starters, I’m graduating with my master’s in marriage and family therapy this May. So, you can rest assured, I’m not crazy.
While I’m not a model, I do have blonde hair. I might not be in my twenties anymore, but at 33, people often tell me I look much younger. Funny enough, as a teenager, I thought you were way too old for me, but now it’s a little bittersweet to realize that age gap was only a few years.
Yes, I’m a fan, but not the obsessive kind. I haven’t seen all your films—confession: I never finished Gangs of New York. I have a strange thing with Cameron Diaz; I find it hard to take her seriously as an actress, but I’ll own that quirk. However, I did see Titanic in theaters 11 times—okay, maybe that’s a little obsessive, but I was 15!
To save you from my rambling, here are some reasons why I would make a great Oscars date:
- We both have a love for hip-hop. I was thrilled to learn that Kanye West performed at your birthday party—what a coincidence!
- You enjoy dancing. I caught a glimpse of your moves at Coachella, and I’d love to show you a few myself at the Vanity Fair after-party.
- My lucky number is 11, and your birthday is on 11/11. Surely, that’s a sign!
- I live in the same city as your friend, Jeremy Renner. Coincidence? Nope!
- I almost became a child actor once—didn’t quite pan out, but think of the possibilities!
- Despite being a California girl, I’m a Detroit Lions fan, and I know you love the University of Michigan.
- I’m left-handed, which might seem trivial, but perhaps you find that unique and intriguing.
- I promise I’m way more fun than the cast of Jersey Shore. I was devastated to hear Snooki got to party with you while I didn’t—just promise me you won’t hang out with the Teen Mom crew; I might not handle that well!
On a more serious note, I understand if this sounds overly enthusiastic, but there’s one more compelling reason why I’d love to be your Oscars date. This is your moment! You’ve faced past disappointments, but this role is one that resonates with you deeply. It’s a testament to your growth and strength. I’d love to be there to celebrate with you and, if needed, shush any distractions during your speech.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be the Oscars. I’d be happy to join you for a trip to the grocery store! At the end of the day, I’m just a California girl, a devoted wife, and a mother of two boys. I’ve worked hard to achieve my goals, but what truly matters is being a good person.
I admire how you strive to stay grounded and focus on meaningful causes. Your dedication to saving animals and the planet is truly inspiring. And I can’t help but think—wow, you make it all look good!
And maybe, just maybe, we could go to the Oscars together.
Warm regards,
Alison
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