Every generation of parents sets out with the mantra of “I Will Raise My Kids Differently Than My Parents” and, after some time, often finds themselves backpedaling to a more familiar routine. The transition from a strong desire to be unique in parenting to simply navigating the day-to-day challenges of raising children is a common struggle. I currently find myself in this very state of flux.
As a child, my parents were incredibly easygoing—almost alarmingly so. My mother, while fiercely dedicated to providing us with a fulfilling childhood, didn’t have the bandwidth to hover over every little mistake I might make. And believe me, I made plenty of them. Her philosophy was simple: if I stumbled into trouble, I was responsible for finding my way out—whether that meant problem-solving, being resourceful, or asking for help. While this approach certainly equipped me for adulthood, it left me feeling a bit like a free spirit during my formative years.
In my upbringing, serious discussions about financial planning were non-existent, curfews were practically unheard of, and reminders to eat healthy were rare. Instead, we dived deep into conversations about feminism, empowerment, and the importance of reading. This blissful lack of boundaries was fortunate for me, as I had a naturally cautious disposition and a healthy respect for authority that kept me out of serious trouble.
Now that I have my own children, I’ve found myself swinging to the opposite end of the spectrum—I am, by comparison, quite the strict parent. I meticulously monitor their sugar intake and enforce a specific diet. Bedtime is set at 7 p.m. sharp, and not a minute later. I never allow playdates without my or my partner’s supervision. I hover over homework and am the persistent voice at the doctor’s, school, and dentist’s offices. In every conceivable way, I am everything my mother was not.
And you know what? It’s exhausting.
Recently, I had a breakthrough moment when I realized that I had morphed into a “Tiger Mom” out of fear that a lack of involvement might leave my kids feeling neglected, just as I sometimes did. My focus on cooking, cleaning, planning activities, and shuttling kids around had become more than just priorities—it consumed my life and drained my joy. I found myself snapping at my children for not conforming to my rigid expectations.
Determined to regain balance, I recognized that I needed to start small and eliminate some of my most overbearing tendencies. The house can be tidy without my heart racing at the sight of socks on the floor. I could allow my kids to choose their meals instead of adhering strictly to my menu plan. I could even let my oldest visit a friend’s house without my constant oversight—gasp!
Finding equilibrium has become my top priority. Learning to relax and give my kids the space to enjoy themselves while I practice ignoring minor messes is a path to becoming a better mother. I don’t want to be a Tiger Mom any more than I wish to be a hands-off parent, so like so many moms before me, I’m tentatively navigating the uncertain waters of motherhood.
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In summary, my journey from a wild child to a helicopter mom has been a winding road filled with lessons on finding balance in parenting. The goal is to foster independence in my children while also enjoying the messy, unpredictable nature of family life.