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Dear Emma,
Before you came into my life, I had no idea what true love felt like. It’s like the universe—vast and ever-expanding, reaching into the unknown. While my heart has always beat steadily within me, the love I carry for you has grown beyond measure. Becoming your mother taught me how to embrace the heavy, beautiful burden of love.
Love is cradling you in those first precious moments, shedding tears for countless reasons. It’s battling exhaustion in the quiet of the night, comforting you when you need it most. It’s those gentle moments when I stroke your hair as we whisper secrets before sleep. I know these tender times won’t last forever; soon enough, mornings will bring your frustration when you can’t find your favorite shirt. You’ll demand answers with an attitude that feels impossible to handle. I could offer you a hundred explanations and suggest you try doing your own laundry, but I choose to hold back that urge. Instead, I channel my love into making your favorite breakfast: a peanut butter, honey, and banana sandwich. Sometimes, love is expressed without words.
I understand that being 13 can be challenging. It may seem as if your appearance, belongings, and social media followers define you—like a fleeting lightning storm that dazzles for just a moment before fading away. Remember, there will be richer experiences and deeper conversations that truly shape who you are. In the end, it won’t matter what brand of jeans you wear or whether that boy in your class asks you to dance. It’s about your words, your actions, and how you make others feel.
You will learn that there’s a distinction between loving someone and being in love with someone. You’ll recognize it when it happens—it’s like soaring without wings, a magical sensation that lifts you off the ground. Your love may not always be reciprocated, and it’s okay to feel hurt or alone. Ultimately, discovering a layer of gentle love for yourself is essential. Embrace your authentic self, stand firm in your beliefs, and practice kindness and compassion toward yourself and others. This journey isn’t easy, and I’m still working on it daily.
While love may fade, it never truly disappears from your heart. Don’t dismiss any love, even if it feels long gone—save those memories for later. I still cherish moments with my high school crush, when he would meet me at my locker, and we’d share shy smiles. It’s natural to feel regret or heartache; these feelings remind us of how far we’ve come. Just be careful not to confuse infatuation with genuine love. There is no love in hurt or sorrow.
Your first love, whether for a boy, a book, or a band, is irreplaceable. Remember how U2 holds a special place in my heart, just as 5 Seconds of Summer does for you. You will experience love in many forms throughout your life—sometimes fiercely, other times with uncertainty. Embrace it all. Capture the beauty around you, like a raindrop glistening on a cherry tree branch, and share it with the world. Your love deserves to be expressed.
As you continue to grow, my love for you will evolve, adjusting to the changes in our relationship. It’s not always easy to watch you become more independent. There will be days filled with rebellion and frustration, and others where you tackle challenges with confidence. The bond we’ve shared is now stretching into the space between us, a love that remains even as you venture into the world. When the time comes for you to leave home, I will hold onto the wisdom of Sting: If you love someone, set them free. Just remember to carry my love with you on your journey.
For more insights on parenting and love, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Love always,
Mom