Updated: August 25, 2020
Originally Published: March 6, 2016
This Valentine’s Day, my partner and I opted for a casual pizza outing. As we secured our toddler into the highchair, we exchanged knowing smiles about the romance we were supposedly missing out on. While many couples we know indulged in extravagant dinners, we chose to relish our family time instead.
Bringing our son along for our Valentine’s celebration might raise eyebrows, but for us, it was just another day. In the past year, my partner and I have enjoyed a night out without our child only twice, and surprisingly, we have no regrets about our “dateless” lifestyle.
Before our little one arrived, we received countless well-intentioned suggestions from relatives and friends who insisted that keeping regular date nights should be a top priority once our son was born. They advised us to find a reliable babysitter, carve out one night every other week, dress up, and escape the house. We were told to reserve that time for romance, avoid baby talk, and leave our phones behind—except to gaze at pictures of our little one.
While the idea of date night sounded appealing, those emphasizing its necessity painted it as vital for our marriage’s survival amid the chaos of parenting. I had bought into the idea wholeheartedly, and we settled on Thursdays for our outings, planning to start once our son turned a month old. I even picked out a flattering black dress for our first date.
However, once our baby arrived in January, the whirlwind of new parenthood took over. It wasn’t until nearly May that we even remembered our date night plans. While we dreamed of escaping together, our son was still nursing frequently in the evenings, making it hard to leave him with a sitter. We decided to postpone date nights, and I was surprised to find that our marriage was still flourishing despite our stay-at-home routine.
By fall, our son was nursing less. We had established a lovely bedtime routine involving books, baths, and snuggles, and he went to bed beautifully—especially when we were the ones putting him down. We had committed to gentle parenting and decided to hold off on date nights until he became more independent. Although I longed for some quality time with my partner, our marriage continued to thrive without those outings.
When our son celebrated his first birthday, he was nursing only a few times a day and was content to sleep on his own. He had grown into a delightful toddler, full of laughter and curiosity, and we found it hard to part from him in the evenings. I worried about our relationship, but when I spoke with my partner, he assured me that he felt the same way—we were perfectly happy as we were.
Now that our son is 2, he remains an absolute joy. Both my partner and I work during the day, and after being away from him, it feels wrong to miss out on our precious evening hours together. I admire parents who prioritize date nights, but I wish more people understood that maintaining a happy marriage doesn’t require a scheduled night out.
We enjoy our time together as a family and have dinner every night. After our son goes to bed, we often stay up talking, playing cards, or watching movies in our pajamas. Quality time is what matters, and even when we take our son along, we still connect as a couple. There are countless ways for a marriage to thrive, and if you find joy in family time like we do, you’re likely to be just fine. You can explore more about this topic in our other blog post on home insemination, as well as check out this excellent resource for pregnancy.
Summary
This article challenges the traditional notion of date nights, sharing the author’s experience of finding joy and connection in family activities instead. Despite societal pressure to prioritize romantic outings, the couple remains content and connected by cherishing their time together at home.