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The “Let Them Learn” Approach to Parenting
“Oh no!” the mother gasped, rushing to her child. “Sweetheart, are you OK? Did that hurt? Where does it hurt?” The little girl began crying, escalating what seemed like a minor scrape into a situation that almost required a 911 call. The mother scooped her daughter into her arms, showering her with reassurances of healing kisses and promises to erase all her pain. As they entered the store, our eyes met, and I couldn’t help but imagine the thoughts crossing that girl’s mind: “I’ve got her right where I want her.”
Okay, maybe that’s a stretch, but that little girl was fully aware of her impact, and her mother fell right into her emotional trap. I can relate—my own children have pulled similar stunts on me.
Today, we navigate a world filled with anxieties—fear of pain, fear of loss, fear of the unknown. Our kids are often the ones who suffer the most. In our efforts to shield them from every possible danger and disappointment, we foster a culture of overprotectiveness, resulting in what some might call “helicopter parenting.”
I grew up in the 70s, where my childhood was filled with adventures outdoors. By the time I was just 6, I roamed the woods behind my house, sometimes with my older brother and often alone. My parents were caring, but by today’s standards, they might have faced charges for neglect. I wonder when we became so fearful—a shift that perhaps began when participation trophies became the norm and saying “no” was viewed as harsh parenting.
For example, just the other day, my kids, aged 4 and 6, were happily drawing with sidewalk chalk in our driveway. I stepped inside for a moment, instructing them to stay put and to come find me if anything urgent arose. Within minutes, I found myself confronted by a passerby who voiced concern over my “unattended” children, despite them being right where I left them, engrossed in their art.
In today’s society, if you’re not hovering over your child at the park, ready to catch them at the slightest stumble, you’re deemed irresponsible. If your children ride a little ahead of you during a bike ride, you’re neglectful. It seems like if your gaze isn’t fixed on them every minute of the day, you’re letting them down.
I understand that the world has changed significantly since my childhood, and parenting styles have evolved with it. However, I believe that the essence of childhood remains the same. Kids need to learn how to navigate life’s challenges independently. They develop resilience and critical thinking skills by facing discomfort and learning from it. But how can they do that if they’re always kept in a bubble of safety?
Love your children, but allow them to face challenges. Let them stumble and fall, and give them the freedom to navigate their little worlds. They’ll appreciate the life skills they gain from these experiences in the long run.
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In summary, while it’s crucial to care for our children, it’s equally important to let them experience the world, learn from their mistakes, and grow into capable, independent individuals.