Parenting
The No-Eye-Contact Parenting Approach
by Sarah Thompson
March 8, 2023
I recently attended what has become my go-to social event: a child’s birthday celebration. While some parents dread these gatherings, I relish the idea of a house bustling with kids—primarily family—keeping my own entertained. It’s a precious three-hour window where the little ones can roam freely in a safe space, allowing me to engage in actual adult conversations for the first time in days.
So, you can imagine my irritation when, while casually sipping my fruity punch with friends around the kitchen island, I heard a familiar call: “Mommy! Mommy!” accompanied by tiny hands tugging at my pant leg.
Much to the dismay of the judgmental moms around me, I kept my gaze fixed forward. Am I a terrible, uncaring mother? Absolutely not. The reason behind my decision is simple: I adhere to the fundamental rule for encouraging kids to play independently: Avoid eye contact at all costs.
Now, let me clarify—this no-eye-contact principle doesn’t apply to every scenario. If my child were in distress, hungry, or exhausted, of course, I would comfort her. However, in most cases, here’s the situation: a child plays happily. She glances up for a moment and spots you. She thinks, “Look at my mom over there! She’s just sitting there!” Next thing you know, she’s pulling your hair or whining dramatically until you pick her up. Hence, the cardinal rule: No eye contact.
Here are a few strategies to navigate these predictable situations:
- Stay Engaged
Kids tend to play more contentedly when you’re busy with something else. Even if cleaning isn’t your favorite chore, pick up that vacuum! Suddenly, your kids may rediscover toys they haven’t touched in forever, and you’ll achieve a tidier home. It’s a win-win. It’s ironic, really; all you want is to plop down and relax after a long day of parenting, yet staying active is what makes everything smoother. - Avoid Entering Their Space
You’ve just finished loading the dishwasher, and your kids are happily engaged in their own world in the living room. Resist the urge to stroll into view. Once you cross that invisible line into their sight, the fun comes to a screeching halt. Instead, find a cozy spot elsewhere. Just yesterday, I grabbed a box of Cheez-Its and sat on the cold tile floor, enjoying a glorious 17 minutes of freedom. - Embrace the Art of Hiding
Yes, I said it—hide. In my experience, 99% of sibling squabbles or boredom can resolve themselves without my input. Whether it’s ducking behind the kitchen counter or simply blending in with others at a crowded gathering (like that birthday party), don’t feel embarrassed. Just kindly explain to the sweet older lady next to you, “Excuse me, I’m just hiding from my child.”
So what happened at the birthday party when I avoided eye contact with my daughter? Within seconds, she realized she was perfectly fine and wandered off to play with other kids. The no-eye-contact strategy strikes again! Now, back to my punch.
If you’re interested in navigating the complexities of parenthood with humor and insight, check out our other posts. And remember, for excellent resources on treating infertility, visit ACOG.
Summary:
The no-eye-contact parenting strategy is an effective method to encourage independent play in children. By staying busy, avoiding their line of sight, and even hiding, parents can create an environment where kids feel secure enough to explore on their own.