While getting my hair done last week, my stylist shared a story from her maternity leave. “My husband was off for a month, and it felt like a vacation for him,” she recalled. “He went for daily runs and hung out with friends while my mom cooked for us. Not once did he change a diaper.”
This type of story is all too familiar. A friend of mine once said, “I was up all night feeding the baby, and I wanted to punch my husband for sleeping so soundly.” Another mom gasped, “Your husband changes diapers?!”
Why is the care of a newborn often seen as solely the mother’s responsibility? Just because a baby has arrived doesn’t mean a mother can run on mere hours of sleep. My husband played a role in creating our little one, and he should absolutely be involved in caring for him. Thankfully, he jumped right in when I had my unexpected C-section and has been an invaluable partner ever since. Here’s how we, a couple who once swore off parenthood, have found a harmonious rhythm in caring for our little one without driving each other up the wall.
1. Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
Before the baby arrived, we didn’t have a formal parenting plan. I had spent months dreaming about how our newborn would peacefully sleep in his perfectly decorated nursery while we gazed lovingly at him. However, in those sleep-deprived early days, we fell into a natural rhythm without even planning it. I pumped while he fed, I changed diapers while he cleaned up, and I bathed the baby while he prepped the towel. If the baby had a messy diaper, I was on towel duty.
Don’t hesitate to delegate tasks to your partner. A simple “Can you do this while I handle that?” can lead to more sleep, more sanity, and more time spent enjoying your baby.
2. Take Time for Yourself
Every night, I sneak away to the bathroom while my husband cuddles with our baby. This is my sanctuary—a chance to scroll through Pinterest, check social media, and unwind. I firmly believe that dedicating even an hour to myself each day has preserved my sanity during those challenging early days.
3. Understand the Hormonal Rollercoaster
Before I exploded in frustration over something trivial—like my husband not bringing in the laundry—explaining my hormonal shifts could have saved us both a lot of grief. As a first-time mom, I was unprepared for the emotional changes that come postpartum. After a few meltdowns, I finally admitted to my husband that my hormones were causing my outbursts. Now he knows to let me vent, and we can return to business as usual. When one of us stays calm, it helps keep the baby safe during those moments of chaos.
4. Express Gratitude
Amid the exhaustion of caring for a newborn, it’s easy to forget to show appreciation for one another. A simple “thank you” reminds both of you that you’re a team working towards the same goal.
5. No Assigned Roles
We don’t have set roles when it comes to parenting. We simply do what needs to be done as it arises. Whether it’s changing diapers or washing bottles, we divide tasks based on who is available. This approach has been crucial for maintaining harmony and preventing overwhelm.
6. Stand United
We support each other always. Breastfeeding was a struggle for me, and my husband was right there with me, advocating for our choices when others questioned them. Whether it’s about feeding methods or how we care for our baby, we present a united front to the outside world, discussing any disagreements privately.
The notion that women should shoulder all newborn responsibilities is baffling. Perhaps it’s guilt over our partners’ work schedules that leads us to take on the nighttime duties alone. We must remember that just because we have a brief maternity leave doesn’t diminish the emotional and physical toll of childbirth.
As mothers, it’s vital to care for our own well-being so we can be the best parents possible. If that means sleeping in while my husband takes morning duty, I embrace it guilt-free. It’s better than him waking up to a frantic baby and finding me snoozing on the floor.
So, when my husband returns home from work, having faced a tough day, I hand him our son, who lights up with joy. Together, we share the joy of parenting, fully aware that we’re both responsible for nurturing our little one, and each other.
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Summary
Parenting is a shared responsibility that requires teamwork and understanding between partners. By dividing tasks, taking breaks, and supporting each other through hormonal ups and downs, couples can navigate the challenges of caring for a newborn. Expressing gratitude and maintaining a united front against external pressures fosters a healthy family dynamic. Ultimately, both parents must prioritize their well-being to provide the best care for their child.