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The Heartfelt Journey of Sibling Loss
Updated: Aug. 3, 2023
Originally Published: March 11, 2023
Two simple words can evoke a tidal wave of memories and emotions. Those words transported me back to June 23, 2013, the day I welcomed my triplets into the world and also the day I lost my first child.
My surviving daughter, Lily, has a cherished bedtime ritual that includes saying goodnight to her brother and sister. Above her changing table, three shadowboxes display photos and keepsakes from our 22-week micro-preemies. Lily adores these shadowboxes, often greeting them with “Hi Emma” and “Hi Noah.” But that night was different; as she addressed Emma, Lily peered closely at the picture and, with her sweet little voice, said, “Wake up.”
How do you explain to a child that her sister will never awaken? How do you convey that Emma lived only for mere hours and her brother for just two months? How could I tell her that we never had the chance to gaze into Emma’s beautiful eyes because they were still shut at 22 weeks? In that moment, tears welled up, and a lump formed in my throat. My little girl, who had faced developmental delays, was beginning to grasp the concept of sibling loss.
I never expected that two innocent words could feel so tender yet so profoundly sorrowful. As Lily encouraged her sister to “wake up,” my heart swelled with pride. She remembers her siblings, maintaining a bond that stretches back to their early days together. It struck me that one day, we would need to explain to Lily why Emma and Noah are no longer in our lives. I knew this conversation was inevitable, but I never anticipated that my little survivor would start asking these questions so soon.
Our two angels will always hold a special place in our family, and I will forever be their mother. I’m unsure what I will say when the time comes or how I’ll help Lily understand her siblings’ absence, but I know we will support her through her grief.
As for those two little words—“wake up”—it’s a moment I’ll cherish forever. In that instant, my fears dissipated, and my instinct as a mother took charge. I looked at Lily and smiled as I whispered, “Emma is sleeping in heaven.” I wrapped my arms around my precious daughter, not wanting to let go. As tears streamed down my face and onto her, Lily softly responded, “Heaven.”
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In summary, the experience of sibling loss is a profound journey filled with emotional complexities. As parents, we navigate these conversations with care and love, ensuring our surviving children feel connected to their siblings, even in absence.