As a child of the baby boom generation, my parents grew up in a structured environment where strict rules were the norm. Like many of their peers, they spent their youth challenging those conventions and pushing boundaries. For this, I am genuinely thankful. My mom, for instance, chose to be honest with me about important topics like reproduction and relationships, in stark contrast to the whimsical tales she heard growing up. My parents always respected me as an individual and encouraged me to become a strong, independent woman.
While they did offer some nuggets of wisdom (alongside occasional unsolicited advice), their guidance on parenting was minimal. I appreciate the freedom they gave me to carve out my own path, but I often wish I had received a bit more direction before diving into the world of parenthood. Here are some insights I wish I had known:
- Prepare for Extreme Exhaustion: You will face a level of fatigue you didn’t think was possible. The sleepless nights may feel torturous, but you’ll get through it—and likely forget much of it along the way.
- Constant Worry is Part of the Package: Your anxiety will span from their infancy to their teenage years. A piece of your heart will always be intertwined with theirs, no matter their age.
- Balance Freedom with Structure: Children flourish with both autonomy and guidelines. Finding the right balance is key.
- Embrace Your Child’s Unique Personality: You cannot dictate the kind of child you will have; many traits will emerge right from birth. Your role is to accept them and nurture their individuality.
- Realness and Boundaries Are Essential: It’s important to be authentic, yet your children should not bear the weight of your struggles. Share your true self while shielding them from your burdens.
- Presence Over Prestige: Your children don’t care about your job title or income; they simply need your love and attention.
- Self-Care is Crucial: You cannot care for others effectively if you don’t take care of yourself first.
- They Will Always Need You: Even after they leave home, your guidance will still be valuable. Stay attuned to their needs and offer support without hesitation.
- Avoid Comparisons: Each family has its dynamics and unique challenges. Don’t judge your parenting by others’ standards.
- Reach Out During Tough Moments: When your kids seem to withdraw, that’s often when they need you the most.
- Be Kind to Yourself: You will be your harshest critic, so cut yourself some slack.
- Don’t Forget to Laugh: Humor can make the toughest days lighter and should be an essential ingredient in your parenting toolkit.
- Expect the Unexpected: Your children will surprise you in remarkable ways. Keep an open mind about their growth and capabilities.
- Make Lasting Memories: Treat them to that extra scoop of ice cream or let them stay up late for the countdown. These moments matter.
- You Will Feel Like a Failure: There will be times you feel overwhelmed, but as long as you are present and trying, you are doing well.
- Embrace the Chaos: Kids are messy and unpredictable. That’s part of the adventure.
- Cherish Quiet Moments: You will count down to their bedtime but later wish you could freeze them in time as they sleep, reflecting on your moments of impatience.
- Heart Melting Moments: Every time your child says “I love you,” it will hit you right in the feels, no matter how many times you’ve heard it.
Parenting is an unpredictable journey filled with challenges and joys. My parents may not have shared every detail of the struggles of parenthood, perhaps to shield me from the truth. However, they did instill in me the importance of trusting my instincts and not worrying about what others think, which may be the most valuable lesson of all.
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In summary, parenting is a unique experience filled with challenges, laughter, and love. While my parents may not have equipped me with every detail, the lessons I learned along the way have shaped my journey into motherhood.