At 40 years old, I’ve never experienced an orgasm during sex, despite having three partners and a 12-year marriage. For a long time, I thought it would happen eventually—like some kind of sexual magic. I first dated Alex, but there was no climax, then I moved on to Jamie, and still nothing. When I married Chris, I thought for sure he would unlock that elusive experience for me. Nope.
It dawned on me that I was waiting for my partners to figure out how to bring me to orgasm. I bore the burden of my own pleasure, expecting them to do all the work. I even started to wonder if there are men out there who can make any woman climax, regardless of whether she knows how to ask for it.
My First Experience with Alex
My first boyfriend, Alex, made a valiant effort. I was only 19 and he was older and experienced, which made him frustrated that I wasn’t reaching that peak. I remember watching the film Don Juan DeMarco, where Johnny Depp plays a charming lover. Afterward, Alex said, “He makes it look so easy.” We tried hard that night, but no success.
I genuinely enjoy sex, but I just can’t seem to cross that finish line. I can get close—really close—but never quite there. On my own, however, I can reach orgasm in about a minute. Could it be that I’m so good at self-pleasure that I’ve missed learning how to achieve it during intercourse?
Challenges with Jamie
With my second boyfriend, Jamie, things were different. There was a lot of discomfort around the subject, and I sensed he was disappointed that I wasn’t receiving the same satisfaction from our sexual relationship. One day, feeling the pressure, I faked an orgasm. I was a terrible actress, and we broke up shortly after because I couldn’t face doing that again.
My Marriage with Chris
Then came my husband, Chris. We’ve always had fun in the bedroom, and I’ve been more open with him than anyone else. While we’ve explored various avenues of intimacy, I still haven’t managed to climax during penetration. We’ve tried to tackle the issue, but I told him that the pressure it brought only hindered our enjoyment. So, we devised a plan where he assists me during masturbation, which has brought us closer, but still no orgasm during sex.
Taking Charge of My Pleasure
Here I am at 40, feeling like a failure in the bedroom, especially as a feminist. I believe my pleasure is just as vital as his, and I’ve started to wonder why it took me so long to advocate for my own orgasm. This year, I’ve made it my mission to finally experience it, and Chris is all in with me. I’m diving into research—don’t laugh!—and we’re just in need of time to practice.
It’s already February, and we’re still trying to carve out that time, but I’m determined. Regardless of how long we’ve been together, I am committed to mastering my orgasm. I deserve to climax during sex just as much as he does, and it’s my responsibility to make it happen. Clearly, it’s time for me to take charge.
Resources for Further Learning
For those interested in learning more about infertility resources or home insemination, this guide is an excellent resource. If you’re considering at-home insemination, you can find valuable information at this link. Also, for privacy considerations, check out our privacy policy.
Conclusion
In summary, at 40, I face the challenge of achieving orgasm during sex, despite a history with three partners and a long marriage. I’ve realized the importance of advocating for my own pleasure and am determined to master this aspect of intimacy in the coming year.