It’s your big day. You and your partner are standing before a gathering of friends and family, trying not to trip over your words. Meanwhile, most of the guests are daydreaming about the buffet and questioning their outfit choices. But does it really matter if they’re not hanging onto your every word? Traditional wedding vows tend to be vague, and that’s part of why people zone out. After all, once you’ve heard a few, you’ve heard them all: “For better or worse, to love and to cherish” and so on. So, what if couples updated their promises to reflect the reality of married life more accurately?
Honest Wedding Vows
I vow to accept your stretch marks, varicose veins, and occasional crazy hair days without comment on that extra 15 (or maybe 50) pounds you might gain.
I promise to think you’re still a total catch, even if your hair starts to thin.
I vow to close the bathroom door while I take care of business.
I promise to limit my complaints about the in-laws, unless they really cross the line.
I vow to curb my backseat driving tendencies, or at least to work on it most days.
I promise to let you know if you have spinach stuck in your teeth.
I vow to manage my jealousy, unless you’re clearly flirting with someone—then it’s fair game.
I promise to share household chores equally, even the less glamorous jobs like cleaning out the hair from the shower drain.
I vow not to complain about your shopping habits, even when I may be guilty of the same.
I promise to be truthful, except when you ask if you look old.
I vow not to hog the blankets at night.
I promise to adapt to the changes we’ll both go through as we age together.
I vow to share the remote even when your taste in shows is… questionable.
I promise to keep my body hair and toenails trimmed so they won’t poke you.
I vow not to leave hair clippings or nail trimmings scattered around.
I promise not to adopt any new pets without a discussion first.
I vow to be in tune with your needs, especially when chocolate is a must-have.
I promise never to leave you high and dry without toilet paper.
I vow to plan our occasional date nights (where we’ll try not to talk about the kids, but we probably will).
I promise to gently inform you if you’re making a fashion faux pas, like wearing a fanny pack.
I vow to tolerate your bad moods as long as you don’t turn into a total jerk most of the time.
I promise to support your parenting decisions, not undermining them secretly.
I vow to excuse myself when the gas gets particularly… raunchy.
I promise to never leave crumbs in the butter or jelly.
I vow to erase from memory any moments of you throwing up, giving birth, or picking your nose.
I promise not to ignore an overflowing trash can.
I vow to nag as little as possible.
I promise to do the little things that make you smile.
I vow to cherish who you were while loving the person you are today.
I promise to remember the good in our relationship, even when times get tough.
The Reality of Marriage
Traditional wedding vows often miss the mark. What does “to have and to hold” even mean in real life? While they may paint a rosy picture from the altar, more realistic vows would prepare couples for the journey of marriage—a beautiful, exhausting dance of highs and lows, snoring and little quirks that go beyond “to love and to cherish.”
Resources for Couples
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Conclusion
In summary, while wedding vows traditionally sound sweet, they often lack the authenticity of everyday life in marriage. By embracing the quirks, challenges, and realities of a shared life, couples can create a more meaningful commitment to one another.