How do I approach the topic of separation without making anyone uneasy? I’ve previously shared my experiences, and the responses have ranged from concern to judgment. Many have suggested that my marriage faltered due to a lack of effort or that I should have gone to great lengths to shield my children from the fallout of our split.
When put that way, it does make me sound pretty unkind. I’ve grown to appreciate the awkward glances and the uncomfortable small talk. I find a strange comfort in moments when my child expresses a longing for his dad late at night, or when my ex-husband eagerly anticipates our boys’ critiques on how he handles things differently than I do. I’ve become accustomed to juggling schedules and being the one to comfort our adventurous little one after he takes a tumble.
Yet, the truth is, it is sad and tragic—something I never anticipated when standing on that balcony overlooking the golf course where we exchanged vows. It was the same spot where a rainbow appeared right after we said our “I dos.” Everyone around us remarked on that rainbow, claiming it was a sign of good fortune. Now, after the moving truck has left and our children have adapted to life with two homes, I can’t help but think they may have been right.
I’ve always been someone who prefers routine, often feeling uneasy when faced with change. After countless arguments and soap-opera-level drama, my ex and I sought counseling, which helped for a while. We tried to communicate better with phrases like “How does that make you feel?” and “I appreciate you.” But eventually, those conversations took a turn for the worse. Change—the one thing I feared most—became my greatest ally. Each passing year has taught me that change is an inevitable part of life, and while it can be daunting, it often brings unexpected gifts.
Surprisingly, our children have demonstrated incredible resilience throughout this transition—something I initially thought would be impossible. They no longer reside in an environment filled with late-night arguments and tension that lingered like a fog. Instead, they receive the love and attention they’ve always deserved, which was previously overshadowed by our inability to navigate our struggles.
Our boys continue to shine brightly, reflecting the best parts of both of us. They resemble their dad, share his laughter, and inherit his stubbornness—traits that make them uniquely perfect.
I now find myself living an authentically fulfilling life. Whether it was my ex or me who first voiced our discontent is irrelevant. The pain we caused each other is behind us. We both recognize that staying in a situation where neither of us wanted to be would have prevented us from being true to ourselves.
As we forge ahead, we still have moments of hurt, but they sting less as time goes on. We’ve learned to see each other through a clearer lens, and the battles have ceased. We’ve made a conscious decision to collaborate and embark on a new journey—one that promises adventure, love, and the joys of parenthood for our two wonderful boys.
Perhaps I wrote this to find solace or to validate my choices. Maybe it’s a message to anyone who feels lost in a similar situation: even in sadness, happiness can emerge. The kind of happiness that might feel guilty at times, especially when children are involved, but it’s real and worth acknowledging.
If you’re contemplating the journey of parenthood or exploring insemination options, check out this post from our other blog. Additionally, for those interested in boosting fertility, Make A Mom offers valuable insights. For an in-depth look at the IVF process, Parents.com is an excellent resource.
Summary:
Separation doesn’t have to equal sadness; it can lead to a fulfilling life filled with love and growth. Change, while daunting, can bring unexpected joys and resilience, especially for children. Embracing this new journey allows for authentic living and shared adventures in parenting.