Today, I’m feeling overwhelmed by the weight of responsibility. Perhaps that sounds dramatic or even accusatory, but that’s not my intention. I am profoundly thankful for motherhood and deeply appreciate everything my partner does to support our family. He is incredibly generous, unfailingly supportive, and immensely helpful.
However, he isn’t the one managing the day-to-day chaos. He doesn’t have to juggle a baby on one hip while stirring dinner with the other hand. He isn’t particularly fazed if the upstairs carpet hasn’t seen a vacuum in weeks or if our toddler is wearing pajamas that could use a wash. To him, if things start to slip, it’s just life unfolding. That’s the perspective I aspire to have, one I recognize is healthier. If I could let go of some of my responsibilities, I’d likely feel more content.
But what would happen if the person who holds everything together decided to take a step back?
This past weekend, my family and I headed on our annual ski trip with my partner’s family. It was a four-day, three-night adventure, which meant I had quite a bit of planning to do when it came to packing. As always, my partner prepared only for himself: a small duffle bag filled with his clothes and gear.
As usual, I took on the rest: my clothing and toiletries, winter clothing for our baby, plus onesies, diapers, and pajamas. I packed sippy cups, snacks, and even a beloved teddy bear for our toddler. I included backups for everything, just in case, a cooler of groceries, two Pack ‘n Plays, a dish for our breakfast casserole, chargers galore, and extra mittens and snowsuits.
About 90 minutes into our journey, I realized I had forgotten the spices for Saturday night’s beef stew. They were still on my spice rack at home. As we crossed into New Hampshire, I remembered that my snow pants were still packed away in the attic, remaining uncrossed on my extensive list. My partner turned to me on day two and casually asked, “Did you pack the Bluetooth speaker?” I hadn’t.
In those moments, I couldn’t help but focus on what I had missed rather than the 8,000 items I did remember to bring. I am the planner, the organizer. If I miss a detail, everyone feels the impact—sometimes in minor ways, like a forgotten speaker, and other times in far more significant ways.
This struggle is familiar to me. I constantly oscillated between feeling empowered by my responsibilities and being crushed by their weight. On good days, I feel capable and proud. “I am a mother; hear me roar!” On tougher days, I feel utterly defeated.
On days like today, when the latter emotion prevails, I often hear advice from well-meaning friends suggesting I simply “let it go” and prioritize what truly matters—my children. “The messy floors can wait,” they say. “Your kids won’t.” They are right; my boys are growing up faster than I can accept, and I know that spending time with them is paramount. But I find myself grappling with this: what happens if the keeper of the household decides to stop holding everything together?
Does that mean we abandon clean clothes? Do we ignore the toilet paper shortage? Will appointments be neglected, bills unpaid, and dinners become chaotic free-for-alls? How do I discern what to release and what to retain?
Surely, some mothers have mastered this balance between chaos and order. They embrace a little messiness because it signifies their children’s happiness. They don’t stress over forgotten appointments or meal plans that deviate by Tuesday. They’ve learned to let some things slide without disrupting their juggling act.
I hope to join their ranks someday, but for now, I still have a way to go.
This article was originally published on March 16, 2016. If you’re interested in more helpful insights, check out our related post on home insemination here.
For those looking into home insemination, visit CryoBaby for expert advice. Additionally, the NHS provides excellent resources on pregnancy and intrauterine insemination.
Summary
Balancing the demands of motherhood can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re the primary organizer in the household. While it’s essential to prioritize family time, the fear of letting go of responsibilities can be daunting. Many mothers navigate this tricky balance between chaos and structure, embracing the messiness of life while ensuring their children’s happiness.