Recently, we embarked on a road trip to northern Minnesota, a journey that totaled 16 hours each way—32 hours of car time with three kids under 5. We must be out of our minds!
To call it a little chaotic is like saying the Grand Canyon is just a ditch. At one point, the noise in our vehicle escalated to such a level that my partner and I had this amusing exchange:
Me: Sometimes I wish I knew how to do that sleeper hold. You know, the one where you pinch the neck?
Him: Why? So you can use it on yourself and leave me alone with the kids?
Me: I was more thinking of using it on the kids, but I like your idea better!
I often wonder how families managed during the Exodus. I mean, there were surely children, but how did they navigate the parted waters in any reasonable time frame? With toddlers in tow, it feels like it would take six months just to cross a small creek, especially when they insist on stopping to inspect every seashell along the way. Their attention spans are as fleeting as a bumblebee’s flight.
When Moses received the Ten Commandments, there should’ve been an addendum specifically for traveling with toddlers—perhaps it was lost forever along with stray hair ties and toy fragments scattered across the sands of history. If there had been an additional list, I’d bet it would resemble something like this:
- Thou shalt inquire if we have arrived at our destination 40 million times in the first 30 seconds.
- Thou shalt not covet thy sibling’s toy until the vehicle is hurtling along at 75 mph in a rainstorm, surrounded by massive trucks carrying flammable cargo.
- Thou shalt request a drink five minutes after declining one, and immediately ask once Mom settles back into her seat.
- Thou shalt wake the sleeping baby with the loudest screeches imaginable, launching a cacophony of noise.
- Thou shalt speak at a volume louder than a jet engine.
- Thou shalt refuse to sleep.
- Thou shalt persistently kick the seat in front of you.
- Thou shalt announce the need to use the restroom 45 seconds before it becomes an emergency.
- Thou shalt eat nothing but McDonald’s, regardless of other options available.
- Thou shalt not cease any of these commandments until your parents consider jumping from the moving vehicle.
Of course, I’m just being playful. Each year, one might think traveling with toddlers gets easier. Just kidding! I’m totally kidding.
From my experiences so far, I’ve learned three valuable things about road trips with little ones: 1) It’s a budget-friendly form of marriage counseling, 2) toddlers are indifferent to your carefully planned car activities, and 3) the phrase “Are we there yet?” can drive you absolutely bonkers.
Much like the Exodus, every road trip with our little ones feels like leading a large group through a maze of confusion. Our journeys could easily be mistaken for a chaotic rendition of a bumblebee’s flight pattern.
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In summary, traveling with toddlers is a wild ride filled with noise, questions, and a few unexpected stops along the way. Embrace the chaos, and remember, every road trip is a new adventure!