When you’re expecting, there’s no shortage of information available about the growth and development of your baby. The variety ranges from casual, friendly advice from fellow moms to straightforward medical insights, and even some overly cautious guides that might have you thinking about wearing a Hazmat suit just to get a pedicure!
However, I’ve noticed a rather odd trend in many of these resources. It’s not the frequent reminders about how your body is going to transform into a life-giving vessel. No, it’s the peculiar way they measure your baby’s size week by week—by comparing them to various foods.
In the past month alone, my little one has been compared to a mango, an ear of corn, an average rutabaga, a hothouse cucumber, and a head of cauliflower. What kind of buffet are these writers dining at?
Seriously, who uses an average rutabaga as a point of reference? And why would I be excited about a head of cauliflower? “Yay! My little garden salad is on the way!” No thanks! It sounds more like I’m expecting something shriveled and smelly. Can we not?
If you want to grab my attention regarding my baby’s size, let’s spice it up a bit and use desserts instead. Here’s how I would do it:
Week 23
Traditional Way: “Your baby is more than 11 inches long and weighs more than a pound (about as much as a large mango).”
My Way: “This week, your little one is the size of a delightful, zero-calorie double fudge scoop of ice cream nestled between two warm, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.”
Week 24
Traditional Way: “Since he’s almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point.”
My Way: “Good news/bad news: Your adorable kiddo now resembles that luscious chocolate eclair you couldn’t resist from the Italian bakery!”
Week 25
Traditional Way: “Her weight—a pound and a half—isn’t much more than an average rutabaga, but she’s beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat.”
My Way: “Your sweet baby now looks like a perfectly crafted slice of tiramisu. Have you scheduled your gestational diabetes test yet?”
Week 26
Traditional Way: “He now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches (a hothouse cucumber) from head to heel.”
My Way: “Holy smokes, your kid now resembles a pile of churros. If you’re not excited about this baby yet, I don’t know what to tell you!”
Week 27
Traditional Way: “This week, your baby weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14 ½-inches long with her legs extended.”
My Way: “This week, your baby is about the size of that massive bowl of rice pudding you devoured the other night. Actually, let’s be real—that bowl was more toddler-sized!”
Doesn’t my approach feel a lot more relatable? It certainly makes me feel a stronger connection to my soon-to-arrive child and to my stretchy maternity pants!
If I ever need a follow-up project to my book, “I Just Want to Pee Alone” (which you should definitely check out), I might just dive into writing pregnancy guides or perhaps reviews on desserts in the tri-state area.
As I look forward, I’m about to enter Week 28 when my baby will be the size of a Chinese cabbage. Wait, scratch that—let’s say an extra-large pound cake with chocolate frosting instead!
For more insights, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and explore this informative post on home insemination. If you’re interested in at-home options, Make A Mom is a great authority on the topic.
In summary, the journey of pregnancy can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially with all the information available. But by rethinking the way we discuss baby sizes and finding relatable comparisons, we can make it a more enjoyable experience.