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Understanding Why My Daughter Might Punch Your Son
It feels like just yesterday I was navigating the early parenting dilemmas of breast versus bottle, cloth or disposable diapers, and when to start potty training. Fast forward to now, and my daughter is in seventh grade, facing a whole new set of challenges.
Twelve is such an intriguing age, showcasing a spectrum of behaviors. While my daughter gets lost in fantasies of being in a Harry Potter film and still enjoys playing with dolls, some of her peers are diving into dating and, yes, even becoming sexually active—whether we like to admit it or not. I consider myself fortunate that she shares so much about her day and seeks my advice on her concerns. I strive to respond with honesty, preparing her for the realities ahead.
Just yesterday, she mentioned a boy in her class who snapped a girl’s bra, prompting her to ask what she should do if it happens to her. I thought carefully about my response. I could have provided a variety of options, but I chose to give her an answer that would serve her well in the long run. So, to all the parents of boys who may cross paths with my daughter, here’s what I advised her to do if your son ever pulls a stunt like that:
She should punch him in the throat.
I know this might go against the school’s zero-tolerance policy regarding violence. I understand that she’ll likely be the one facing consequences, possibly ending up in the principal’s office, and I may receive a call asking me to come in for a meeting. I’ve explained to her that there could be detention or suspension involved, and that I might not be able to defend her actions. Yet, I firmly believe that standing up for oneself is the right thing to do.
During that phone call or meeting, I’ll tell the school staff, “Do what you need to do.” I understand rules exist for a reason, and I’m teaching my children that they aren’t special cases above the rules. However, I’ll also be treating my daughter to a hot fudge sundae that night, reinforcing that the ability to defend oneself is a crucial life lesson. If someone has not been invited to touch your undergarments and decides to do so to humiliate you, it’s essential to take action.
Now, I can imagine that the thought of your sweet boy getting punched in the throat may be upsetting. As a mother of a son myself, I completely understand. If the idea disturbs you, here’s a suggestion: Teach him not to grab girls’ bras at school. You might even want to extend that lesson to include underpants, just to be safe. If he thinks it’s amusing to mess with someone’s clothing, he should be aware that there may be consequences—like a well-deserved throat punch.
Now, to the parents of girls who might be in class with my son: I’m instilling in him the importance of respecting your daughters. If he engages in any of the aforementioned behaviors and your daughter retaliates with a punch, it’s justified.
Could you do me a favor in return? Please encourage your daughters to express their feelings openly and assertively. This will be an invaluable skill as they navigate relationships in the future.
With these discussions underway, I can only imagine the questions that will arise surrounding dating, first kisses, and eventually driving. Maybe it’s me who deserves that hot fudge sundae after all.
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Summary:
Navigating the tumultuous waters of middle school parenting is no easy feat. As my daughter faces the complexities of adolescence, including issues like respect and boundaries, I’m committed to equipping her with the skills to stand up for herself. It’s essential for both parents of boys and girls to foster an environment of respect and communication, ensuring our children are prepared for the social dynamics they will encounter.