I have two children, but I don’t exclusively identify as a mom.
Let me clarify. I adore my kids—it’s the kind of love that makes you want to breathe in their scent for hours. Yet, I see myself as more than just their mother.
I work hard to raise my children to be kind and thoughtful individuals, but I also prioritize my own identity. I am a passionate writer, a professional with a fulfilling career, and a person with hobbies and aspirations that go beyond motherhood. I enjoy my family immensely, have a quirky love for bleu cheese, and a soft spot for ’90s R&B. Plus, let’s be real, I make mistakes like everyone else.
While my kids are a significant part of my life, they do not define my entire existence. Acknowledging that children aren’t the sole focus of our lives can be challenging, especially in a society that often expects mothers to be “on duty” at all times. Men, on the other hand, are not held to the same standards as fathers.
Societal expectations suggest that we must sacrifice our own needs and desires for our children. We’re supposed to create flawless baked goods for school events and throw picture-perfect birthday parties. It doesn’t matter if you have a job; you should still manage to stay up late to finish those cupcakes. If embracing the supermom role fulfills you, by all means, continue. But not everyone feels comfortable being boxed into the title of “Mom.”
Let’s face it: on social media, the most accepted updates from mothers are professional-quality photos of their children paired with #blessed captions. Our feeds overflow with images of perfectly coordinated outfits and happy moments, while anything else often goes unnoticed. As a culture, we reward motherhood and tend to overlook those who wish to express themselves in other ways after having kids.
Parenting magazines aimed at women overflow with time-consuming projects and impractical advice. Who has time for that? Although, I must admit, a stack of parenting magazines can make a decent drink holder on a bedside table.
In contrast, men are encouraged to pursue their interests, join clubs, and embark on weekend adventures—whether or not they are fathers. It’s seen as a bonus if they are great dads too.
I genuinely believe that not making my life solely about my children will serve them well in the future. They will see a well-rounded mother who serves as a role model for more than just being a good mom. This, in turn, will help them grow into individuals who don’t feel confined to narrow definitions of themselves.
We encourage our daughters to be articulate and goal-driven, teaching them they can achieve anything. Yet, we don’t afford ourselves that same opportunity. Our parents worked hard to help us become the multifaceted individuals we are today. We owe it to them—and to ourselves—not to limit our identities to just being mothers. We are women who happen to be moms, and we are so much more than that.
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Summary
In conclusion, while motherhood is a significant part of my life, it doesn’t define me entirely. I strive to maintain my identity beyond being “Mom,” encouraging not only my growth but also that of my children. Society’s expectations can be overwhelming, but it’s essential for us to embrace our multifaceted selves.