As someone who openly shares the ups and downs of parenting, I often shy away from certain topics for fear of judgment. Recently, I had heartfelt conversations with two close friends, both of whom expressed the same sentiment: “I feel like I’m failing as a mom.” Their reasons varied, but the underlying feelings of pain and self-doubt remained consistent.
While I usually focus on the lighter, humorous aspects of parenting, I want to share a personal experience that highlights how often we, as mothers, keep our self-judgments hidden, worrying about how we might be perceived by others.
After dropping my kids off at school, my youngest son, Max, and I settled into the basement. I was busy folding laundry while he played with his toys. He mentioned going upstairs to grab his favorite blanket. At nearly three years old, I thought it was perfectly safe to let him go alone.
A few moments later, I sensed that something was amiss when I heard him crying faintly. My heart raced as I dashed upstairs only to find him outside, having unlocked the front door and tried to open the car. He was upset and struggling with the screen door. In just three minutes, my little explorer had managed to escape, and I was left in a whirlwind of emotions.
Relief washed over me that he was unharmed, but it was quickly followed by a wave of terror—what if he had run into the street? Or worse, what if someone had taken him? Guilt consumed me. Why didn’t I hear the door alarm? Why did I think it was okay to trust him? I should have gone with him. I should have folded one less towel, anything to prevent this from happening.
As panic subsided, I was overwhelmed with self-criticism. I berated myself: I’m a terrible mom. The fear of how my neighbors would judge me loomed large. Their thoughts raced through my mind: “She’s so irresponsible.” In that moment, I had convinced myself that I had failed as a parent.
Fortunately, Max was safe and sound, and my husband is installing a chain lock to prevent future escapades. However, the feelings of inadequacy lingered, echoing the internal mantra of failure.
It’s challenging to share this, knowing the potential for judgment, but I feel it’s important. After encouraging my friends that making mistakes is part of being human, I realized I struggled to extend that same compassion to myself. As mothers, our love for our children drives us to set impossibly high standards. Who else would willingly endure sleepless nights with a newborn?
We strive to give our children the best of everything, including ourselves. When we inevitably fall short, we can be our harshest critics, more so than anyone else would be.
In a world where we hear about neglectful or abusive parents, it’s ironic how easily we label ourselves as “bad” when we stumble, even in the smallest ways.
So here’s my advice: Treat yourself with kindness. If you find yourself worrying about your parenting abilities, chances are, you’re doing great! Allow yourself to forgive your missteps and learn from them. And by the way, consider adding that chain lock to your door!
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In summary, our imperfections as parents don’t define us. We all make mistakes, and it’s the love we have for our children that truly matters.