As I approach the arrival of my second child, there’s no hiding my enormous baby bump or the various discomforts that come with the final weeks of pregnancy—walking, sitting, standing, even breathing can be a challenge! It’s during this time that I often hear well-meaning friends and family say, “Just let me know if you need anything!” But honestly, I’m calling it out: this is often insincere.
Having experienced this before during my first pregnancy, I was initially touched by the numerous offers of help from both close friends and acquaintances. It felt wonderful to know that people were willing to support me through what I anticipated would be a significant life transition. But the truth quickly became clear: many of those offers were just empty words.
I genuinely believe it takes a community to raise children. It took me a couple of years to build my support network and find the balance I needed to thrive as a mom. However, that journey involved distinguishing between those who truly wanted to help and those who simply filled the silence with kind-sounding phrases. Some offers turned out to be sincere, leading to meaningful friendships, but I also faced disappointment when friends canceled plans or family members backed out when it was time to lend support. It stung, feeling like a personal rejection, especially since my baby and I are now a package deal.
Now, as I prepare for baby number two, hearing those familiar phrases from the same people who let me down last time makes me wary. I’m cautious with new friends, too—wondering if their offers are genuine or just polite gestures.
So, here’s my plea: please don’t offer to help unless you genuinely mean it. If your intent is to sound nice or ease your own guilt, then you’re not doing either of us a favor. When the time comes that I actually need help and reach out, having to hear you back out awkwardly is just uncomfortable for everyone involved.
If you feel the need to comment, consider saying “congratulations” or “best of luck.” Those are kind words that don’t carry any obligation. Then, we can both go about our lives without adding each other to mental lists of “helpers.”
I’ve learned who my supportive friends are for when things get tough. Whether it’s postpartum depression, colic, or struggles with breastfeeding, I’ve got the right people on speed dial. Many new moms don’t have this knowledge yet and may have to navigate these challenges alone. Reaching out for help is hard enough—admitting that you’re struggling as a new mom is a significant step.
When a new mom comes to you, feeling overwhelmed and desperate, don’t be the person who refuses to step outside their comfort zone.
So, let’s get straight to the point: are you willing to answer the phone when that new mom calls? If not, then please don’t offer help.
So repeat after me, “Congratulations! Best of luck!”
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In summary, it’s vital to be sincere when offering help to new parents. Empty offers can do more harm than good, and genuine support means the world during such a transformative time.