As I sift through profile after profile—taking note of height, weight, education, and hobbies—I pause whenever a captivating face draws my attention. Yet, something in their descriptions often leads me to the next candidate. It’s reminiscent of my online dating days, only this time, I’m not searching for a coffee date to find my soulmate. Instead, I’m in the process of selecting an anonymous egg donor to aid in my journey toward motherhood.
My path began with love, followed by marriage, and then a series of tests and appointments that revealed, despite being in my 20s, I would not be able to conceive using my own eggs. Fortunately, my uterus remained in excellent condition, allowing me the option to either adopt or use my husband’s sperm along with an anonymous egg donor to start a family.
Once my husband and I made the tough decision to invest our life savings into pursuing pregnancy through an egg donor, I thought the challenging part was behind us. However, we still faced the task of choosing the woman who would serve as my genetic counterpart. It was as if I had stumbled upon Mitt Romney’s “binders full of women,” all neatly organized in our social worker’s office at the fertility clinic.
Having met my husband shortly after joining an online dating platform, I assumed selecting a donor would be straightforward. However, choosing someone to represent my DNA required far more consideration than picking a Netflix partner for life. If I were to divorce, my kids would still always be mine.
I tend to experience buyer’s remorse over even the smallest decisions, such as what flavored latte to order, so the pressure of selecting the right donor was immense. Our social worker informed us that many couples opt for a donor who closely resembles the intended mother, hoping to avoid awkward questions about their children’s appearance. However, I questioned whether that was the best approach. While it’s understandable to desire children who look like me, did I really want to pass on my insecurities, such as my beak of a nose? Perhaps choosing a donor with model-like features—perfect teeth and flawless skin—who was 6’1” to my 5’3” frame wouldn’t guarantee mini-me’s, but it could increase their chances of snagging a basketball or modeling scholarship—or at least ensure they had a date for prom.
Some of the donors had already undergone successful donation cycles, which indicated a higher likelihood of producing viable eggs. However, it also meant there were half-siblings out there my future children would never know. To minimize the risk of my kids falling for a half-sibling, we quickly eliminated those donors from our list.
My husband faced a daunting task during this selection process. After spending years pretending I was the only attractive woman in his life, I was now presenting him with photos of young women and asking for his honest opinions. To his credit, he answered truthfully; however, it stung to hear him express a preference for blondes over brunettes, especially since my own hair is naturally dark.
After several hours of reviewing potential donors, I thought we had narrowed it down significantly. We decided to sleep on our choices before making a final decision. Yet, while watching a reality show that night, I began to panic. As I observed contestants vying for attention and validation, I couldn’t help but wonder what some of these potential donors might embellish in their applications to secure the $8,000 payment for a successful cycle. Had I known how intense the medical procedures and injections would be, I might have offered to pay double! All I really had to go on was their medical history, a one-page list of interests and accomplishments, and a single black-and-white photo. How could I truly know if donor No. 437 was genuinely trilingual or if No. 289 played on the Junior Olympics volleyball team?
Ultimately, we chose the donor whose interests resonated closely with my own, hoping she was being honest in her application. It felt important that my future child might share a personality with someone I could envision being friends with, rather than simply someone who could pass for me in a lineup. Ironically, people often comment on how my kids resemble me more than their dad, completely unaware of the truth behind their appearance.
If you’re looking to explore more about the process of home insemination, resources like CCRM IVF’s blog can provide valuable insights. For those considering enhancing fertility, Make A Mom’s fertility supplements are worth looking into. You can also check out our detailed overview of the egg donor selection process in this other blog post.
In conclusion, the journey to selecting an egg donor is complex and filled with emotions, but it ultimately leads to the beautiful prospect of motherhood.