I Stopped Raising My Voice with My Kids, and It Turned My World Upside Down

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Two years ago, I made a significant change in my parenting approach: I stopped raising my voice with my children. For the longest time, I held onto the belief that “if you’re not yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” It seemed to work for me—I often found myself justifying my outbursts at their seemingly perfect little faces because, let’s face it, they could be quite exasperating. I was the primary caregiver, after all.

But one day, I decided to go cold turkey. I ditched my old ways, and just like that, I put an end to the yelling. The atmosphere in our home shifted. I felt lighter, the kids were more cheerful, and life seemed blissful. My new strategy was working wonders: I’d ask them to do something once, then twice, and on the third time, I’d say, “Do you hear how my voice is changing? This is the moment before I feel like I might yell!” That simple cue was enough to get them moving.

For a while, my kids responded beautifully. They became little angels, tidying up without waiting for a third reminder or brushing their teeth before I even had to ask. Our home resembled a classic 1950s sitcom—minus the poodle skirts and perfectly coiffed hair.

However, I’m not going to pretend everything was perfect. Inside my head, I was still yelling—just silently. My internal monologue often sounded like “for goodness’ sake!” accompanied by a dramatic eye roll. Luckily, I took all that pent-up frustration out on my partner, who had vowed to endure it.

Fast forward two years, and now we have two teenagers under our roof. It’s a different ballgame. I could yell, but what’s the point? They’ve become immune to any volume, tension, or pitch I might use. My calm, no-yelling approach has made them a bit too comfortable. What happened to my idyllic home? Simple: hormones.

Teenagers demand a distinct kind of parenting voice—yelling isn’t going to cut it. The tone you need is akin to the one you’d use when navigating a sleeping tiger or delicately addressing a scorpion on your partner’s face while they dream. It’s a skill only parents of teens can master.

Now, my teens don’t issue warnings before they raise their voices; they just unleash their emotions like a kettle boiling over. Instead of training my kids by keeping my volume down, I inadvertently untrained myself. My once-peaceful home has transformed into a cacophony. And a furious teenager is a force to be reckoned with.

So, here’s a heads-up to all parents considering a no-yell strategy: this could be a grave error. You may find yourself regretting it when your teenagers raise their voices and you’re left without the tools to respond effectively. Remember, “If you’re not yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” Embrace that time, raise those voices, and take pride in it. After all, you’re preparing them for the tumultuous teenage years.

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In summary, parenting can be a wild ride, especially as children grow into their teenage years. While a calm approach may seem appealing, remember that it’s important to adapt your methods to meet the unique challenges of parenting teens.