I’d like to take a moment to express my gratitude to the esteemed Academy—specifically, the American Academy of Pediatrics. Their guidelines on the recommended sleep hours for children were seemingly overlooked by my little ones last night.
I stand before you, honored to accept the title of Worst Night’s Sleep Ever in the category of Exhausted Parent with a Spouse Out of Town. The competition was fierce, and I hold deep respect for the other contenders. May the best mom win next time!
Acknowledgments
First and foremost, a huge shoutout to my toddler, whose antics from 2:45 to 3:30 a.m. were nothing short of award-winning in their own right. Your delicate whimper for a drink evolved into a symphony of rage when you discovered that the water I offered didn’t meet your milk standards. Oh, what a performance!
I must also acknowledge the farmers who provide the wholesome food that fueled my pregnancy. Without their efforts, I doubt you would possess the lung capacity required to wake the neighborhood with your cries or to enthusiastically kick your crib. And a nod to the makers of that robust crib!
To my mother, thank you for instilling the virtue of maternal patience in me. As I tried to soothe that wailing child, it felt less like a gentle rocking and more like wrestling with a slippery eel.
A quick thanks to my inner voice of reason for realizing at 3 a.m. that it was better to give in and fetch the milk rather than teach a lesson.
Did I mention the farmers? Yes, I did, right? Good.
To my two daughters who snuggled into bed with me after I finally managed to drift off around 5 a.m., I graciously accept this award on behalf of your future partners, who will surely endure the bruises from your nightly kicks. Your talent for kneeing and kicking is impressive!
A special shoutout to my eldest for the unexpected slap to my face, which truly added to the experience.
Let’s not forget the birds outside, whose 6 a.m. chirping played a vital part in solidifying my claim to this award, along with my mom’s 7 a.m. text message checking in on me.
Finally, I want to thank my husband for his much-anticipated return this evening. I look forward to sharing this award with you—though I might just hand it all over because tonight, I plan to sleep at my parents’ place!
Conclusion
In conclusion, I feel I’ve earned this recognition. Very much so. But above all, I’m just utterly exhausted.
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Summary
In a humorous acceptance speech for the title of “Worst Night’s Sleep,” Sarah reflects on the wild night spent with her children, expressing gratitude to various influences including her toddler’s antics, supportive family, and resources that guide her through motherhood.