“Hey, love, what’s on your mind?”
I hesitated for a moment, weighing the pros and cons of sharing my true thoughts versus giving a brief response that would keep things light.
“Oh, just the usual,” I replied.
That was a half-truth. In reality, like many mothers, my mind is a whirlwind. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what I was pondering the moment he asked, but in the minutes leading up to it, my mental gears were turning at full speed. What was I thinking? Nothing specific, yet everything at once.
I need to grab a new box of contacts before we head out on Monday. Did I pay the babysitter too much last week? My daughter is lacking in her veggie intake. I missed another writing deadline. Is that a sign of anxiety? I should consult my doctor… Oh, and does my son require any vaccinations? I ought to reach out to his pediatrician; I’m pretty sure the preschool needs updated health records. Did I enroll him for next year? That poor kid needs new school clothes. He’s grown so much.
Oh no, I forgot to switch the laundry to the dryer. Reminder: look up baby-friendly veggie recipes. Check grocery list. Call the doctor. Contact my editor. Move the wash after smelling it first; it may need to be washed again.
I miss my little boy and can’t wait to bring him back from his grandparents. I hope he’s having a good day. And that’s precisely what I shared with him: just a glimpse of what’s going on inside my head. Not that I couldn’t tell him more—he’s my closest confidant. But this is the reality of “mom brain.” It’s a constant state of mental load, and it’s a significant factor in why so many mothers feel drained, even when “all we do” is stay at home. For those of us juggling careers outside the home, the exhaustion can feel overwhelming.
You’ve probably witnessed it: you ask a mom friend how she’s doing, and the answer is often, “Tired.” Sleep deprivation is one piece of the puzzle, but there’s a deeper layer to this fatigue. My husband comes home from work, and I want to share in his day because I care. Yet, in the back of my mind, that mental wheel keeps spinning.
Moms, you get this, right? If we don’t remember to switch the laundry, who will? If we neglect the veggies, the baby just won’t get any. From scheduling doctor’s appointments to ensuring vacation packing lists are ready, it all resides on that invisible checklist in our minds.
This is the mental load we carry every day. I’m not saying it’s a burden that needs fixing, nor am I sure we can even change it. Sometimes, it’s just enough to recognize that this exists, that it’s a real phenomenon. There’s a reason we feel exhausted even when we seem to accomplish little.
Everything that remains undone and everything that must be done plays on repeat in our minds—constantly. Moms, you are extraordinary. You are like that fancy, expensive glue that holds everything together while remaining unseen. But perhaps we don’t always have to bear this load alone. The next time someone asks, “What’s on your mind?” consider sharing your thoughts. Lighten your burden, even if just momentarily. And if they look at you as if you’ve lost your mind, reach out to another mom. Because we understand.
The weight may be invisible, but it’s undeniably heavy. Let’s be open with one another and share the load.
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Summary:
Emotional labor significantly contributes to the exhaustion felt by mothers, extending beyond just sleep deprivation. The mental load of managing daily tasks, responsibilities, and worries often goes unrecognized but is a heavy burden. By acknowledging this reality and sharing our thoughts with others, we can lighten that load and foster understanding among mothers.