Every month, I gather with a wonderful group of friends for our book club, where we indulge in chocolate, sip some wine, and share stories about our lives since our last meeting. At our most recent gathering, the conversation shifted to beauty and body image—a topic that resonates deeply with many women. One friend, a teacher named Sarah, shared a troubling experience from her school.
A group of first-grade girls, all aspiring gymnasts, decided to form a gymnastics club on the playground. When another little girl, who didn’t take gymnastics, expressed interest in joining, she was told, “You have to be skinny to be in the gymnastics club.” This comment was made without malice, simply repeating what she had absorbed from her coaches. The girl went home, asking her mother—who is slender—how she could become thinner. This child was not overweight; she was simply one of many who hadn’t yet grown into their bodies.
Her mother, alarmed, approached the school to investigate why her daughter, at such a young age, felt the need to change her appearance. Young girls don’t fully understand the implications of such comments, but as adults, we should. When a 6-year-old is told she’s not thin enough for a club, it plants a seed of self-doubt that can last a lifetime. I can relate; I was once that young girl.
At 6, my family was not well-off, but they managed to enroll me in ballet classes. I was tall and awkward, described by my mother as “big-boned.” Looking back at my childhood pictures, I wasn’t fat, but I was built differently than my peers. After a few months of ballet, my instructor—an actual French ballerina—told my mother, within earshot, that I would likely be too “fat” for ballet and advised her to save her money. The comment was made as if there was no debate.
While I recognize that certain body types may excel in specific activities like ballet or gymnastics, encouraging young girls to focus on being thinner for the sake of fitting these molds is misguided. Children should be free to play, explore, and enjoy their imaginations without the weight of body image concerns.
Coaches and instructors often want the best for their students, but using body size as a criterion for participation is unacceptable. Not every coach is fixated on winning, and many provide loving support to young girls—thank you to those who do. However, until we can ensure that all coaches foster a positive environment, we have a significant issue to address.
Throughout my teenage years and into adulthood, I battled with the belief that I had to be thin to be accepted, beautiful, and successful. While not all of this stemmed from my ballet instructor’s comments, the early negative perceptions of my body left lasting scars. When we tell young girls they aren’t thin enough for an activity, we risk steering them toward a path of body hatred, anxiety, or worse.
Let’s stop telling little girls they don’t measure up. Let’s stop promoting the notion that beauty is confined to a single body type. It’s time to shift how we discuss body image and self-worth, especially with our girls. They should not be hyper-aware of their bodies before they even learn to spell the word “body.”
I don’t have a daughter to reassure, but if I did, I would tell her: “You are beautiful just as you are. You are so much more than your appearance. Never let anyone dictate what you can or cannot do based on how you look. You are courageous, imaginative, and strong.”
These are the words I wish someone had shared with me.
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Summary
We need to change the narrative around body image for young girls. By stopping harmful comments about body size and promoting a positive self-image, we can help them grow into confident adults who see their worth beyond physical appearance.