Recently, I’ve been chatting with my oldest child, who is currently a spirited 4-year-old, about the exciting arrival of our third baby. I’m eager to prepare him for this transition, aiming to ease any potential shock. We’ve been discussing how life will shift, focusing on the baby’s needs, the frequency of crying, and how Mommy and Daddy will dedicate much of their time to caring for the newest addition. I also encourage him to embrace his role as the big brother.
Just yesterday, he wanted to feel the baby kicking in my belly. As he placed his small hand on my bump, he earnestly reassured his little sibling about the crying and sleeping that would soon become part of our lives, emphasizing that it would be our responsibility to teach him everything he needs to know. I felt a wave of joy, realizing he was truly processing our discussions.
Then, he asked a question that took me by surprise: “Mommy, did things change for you when I came out of your tummy?”
I hesitated, pondering how to articulate the immense impact of motherhood in a way that he could grasp. How could I convey the profound love and sense of duty that overwhelmed me the moment he entered the world?
I wanted him to understand how those initial moments after his birth felt like an eternity, especially when he wasn’t breathing and the NICU team rushed in. I had never experienced fear like that before. I shouted for help, desperate for acknowledgment as they worked tirelessly on him. When I finally heard his first weak cries, they were the sweetest sounds I had ever known. Relief enveloped me, and tears of gratitude streamed down my face.
I wished to share my fears, the anxiety of not being good enough, worrying about feeding him sufficiently, and the constant dread of someone dropping him. I remember watching him sleep for hours, gently caressing his cheek and checking his breath with my finger, feeling unworthy of being entrusted with his life.
I longed to express the challenges I faced: sleepless nights, obsessing over every cough and rash, and the isolation of new parent anxiety. Motherhood was overwhelming, and my priorities shifted dramatically. A dear friend once told me that my heart had changed; nothing mattered more to me than him. I learned to overlook the mess in our home and prioritize time together over social outings.
I wanted my son to realize that my sleep would never be as sound as before. I found myself tiptoeing into his room at night to check on him, Googling everything from cradle cap to preschools, and feeling a surge of panic if he was out with his dad even for a few minutes longer than expected. I often sat quietly in his room just to be near him, and I secretly cherished when he crawled into our bed for comfort.
I also wanted him to know about the frustrations that come with parenting. My once unshakeable professional confidence was rattled by this little one who seemed indifferent to my accolades. I learned that reasoning with a toddler was often a lost cause, and I couldn’t control his moods or reactions no matter how hard I tried.
I never intended to have more children; we were uncertain about the idea of another baby, especially after he fit so seamlessly into our lives. But despite the challenges of pregnancy, our love for him made us want to give him a sibling, knowing how lonely it can be without family beyond just mom and dad.
I worried that I could never love another child as much as I loved him. Even before his brother arrived, I felt guilt creeping in. Yet, miraculously, when his brother joined us, my heart expanded in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I had no words to describe that moment, only tears of joy as my love multiplied, now encompassing both boys.
Watching them play together often brings a tear to my eye. I sometimes find myself eavesdropping on their giggles and conversations, melting inside when he tells his little brother that “family always sticks together.” Their mischievous plans, even when disciplined, fill me with awe and laughter long after they’ve gone to bed.
Above all, I want him to know that my friend was right: my heart truly changed the moment I became a mother to him. I will never be the same. My world has reshaped itself around him and his brother, with every emotion now felt more deeply. He will always carry a piece of my heart, as he was the first to ignite this incredible journey.
Looking down at him, I smiled and nodded as he asked again, “Mommy, are you listening to my words? Did things change when I came out of your tummy?”
“They sure did, buddy. Everything changed.”
For More Insights
For more insights on parenting and the journey of motherhood, check out this blog post or learn more about the process of home insemination at Make a Mom’s Guide. If you’re curious about artificial insemination, Wikipedia provides an excellent resource.