Alright, I’ll admit it. My 3 ½-year-old has just recently started sleeping through the night. Yes, you read that correctly—3 ½ years, not a mere three months!
Some may find that shocking. But I know many of you are nodding along, possibly thinking, “Same here!” and maybe even “Thank you for saying this.”
When I was expecting my first child, if someone had told me it could take years for my baby to sleep through the night, I would have laughed in disbelief. Like many new parents, I fell for the notion that a sleep-deprived phase would only last for a few months. That’s the common narrative, right?
However, it turns out I was completely mistaken.
When my little one arrived, I was certainly sleep-deprived. While I anticipated sleepless nights, nothing could truly prepare me for the intensity of that exhaustion. I felt like a zombie, stumbling around, with milk spraying from my body. It was surreal and terrifying to be that tired all the time.
As we approached the three-month mark, I remember asking my mom when things would improve. “Oh, I remember you sleeping through the night by three months,” she told me.
Well, the three-month milestone came and went, and while I saw my baby sleeping a bit more at night rather than just catnapping during the day, there was no magical all-night slumber. He was still waking every few hours to nurse. Then came the infamous four-month sleep regression, and suddenly, he was up hourly, practically kicking me in the face.
Somehow, I survived the first year. There were moments when my son would sleep for three or four-hour stretches, which I could handle, but there were also nights where he woke up every hour, and I thought I might collapse from sleep deprivation.
I was not a fan of sleep training, and my attempts at gently nudging him toward independent sleep only seemed to make things worse. Neither of my children fell into the “cry for a bit and then drift off” category; for them, it was more like “scream for several hours straight,” which was simply not an option for me.
When my first child turned a year old, I hoped that would be the key to better sleep. It improved slightly; I experienced longer stretches of sleep, but “through the night” was still elusive.
I asked my mom again: “Are you sure I was sleeping through the night at three months?”
“Oh, no,” she replied. “That’s just when your colic stopped. You didn’t sleep through the night until you were 2 or 3, maybe even longer.” I recognized that many parents of poor sleepers tend to block out those memories, so I understood her misremembering. She likely wanted to shield me from the harsh reality of new parenthood. Honestly, when she finally shared the truth, I felt a wave of relief. I wished she had told me sooner; it would have spared me a lot of worry and heartache.
I realize some parents are lucky enough to have what I call “unicorn sleepers.” You know the type—those magical babies who can be placed in their cribs “drowsy but awake” and float off to dreamy slumber without a fuss. But for the rest of us, it would be refreshing to openly discuss the reality of baby sleep.
Reality Check
Here’s the reality check: Most babies won’t sleep through the night (meaning 10 to 12 hours without waking) for many months, and some may take years. There’s no standard timeline; every child is different. Just like walking or talking, all kids will get there eventually, but the timeline varies widely. Some babies adapt to sleep training easily; others simply won’t settle down, no matter the approach.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t feel guilty. There is nothing wrong with what you’re doing. Some children are just slower to develop good sleep habits, and most importantly, don’t fret—eventually, they all learn to sleep through the night.
When my second child was born, I was armed with the truth about baby sleep, so the whole experience—including the sleepless nights—was much more manageable. I understood that it was okay to feel like a zombie sometimes. I could accept that mac and cheese for dinner every night for a month was just fine. I also knew I deserved to sleep in on weekends and snag naps whenever possible.
Most importantly, I understood that the sleepless nights would eventually pass. My second child, who is now 3 ½, still wakes occasionally to ask for water or to inquire about snack options (yes, there are corn muffins. You can have one in the morning, now please go back to sleep!). But for the most part, he sleeps well, and it’s incredible to have kids who can sleep through the night.
That said, I still find myself awake at night worrying about my children from time to time. And check back in a few years when they’re teenagers, and I’m waiting up all night for them to come home. Then, a few years after that, I’ll be anxious about whether they’ll find fulfilling careers and true happiness.
Sigh. The reality is that once you become a parent, sleep becomes a rare treasure. But you adapt. And your kids are lovable and endearing enough to make the sleepless nights (almost) worthwhile.
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Summary
This article discusses the unrealistic expectations surrounding infant sleep, particularly the myth that babies will sleep through the night by three months. It shares personal experiences and emphasizes that every child is different in their sleep journey, with some taking much longer to establish good sleep habits. The narrative encourages parents to embrace the difficulties of sleep deprivation while recognizing that eventually, all children learn to sleep through the night.