Updated: August 3, 2023
Originally Published: April 18, 2023
I never thought the teenage years would be so intense. There were moments when I questioned whether my child would emerge unscathed or if it would be me who would crumble under the pressure. Thankfully, as my eldest now approaches adulthood, I can see a faint glimmer of hope at the end of what often felt like a tumultuous teenage journey. Why didn’t anyone warn me about the challenges ahead?
We all know that toddlers can be a handful, and many parents openly share their struggles and tips for managing those tough times. However, the teenage years can feel like navigating a vast desert with no supportive fellow parents around to uplift your spirits. While there are certainly benefits to having older, more independent children, these recent years have been a whirlwind of fun I never wish to relive—at least not without a little more preparation! With three more teens to raise, I come equipped with insights from my own experiences and candid advice from other parents who have been there.
If you now find yourself with a newly minted 13-year-old, keep these tips close at hand. They will serve as your guide and offer refreshing perspective when you feel lost in the tumult of adolescence.
1. Their Decision-Making Skills Are Still Developing.
You know it, you’ve heard it before, but nothing truly prepares you for the moment your once-reasonable child starts to act as if consequences are a myth. Their underdeveloped frontal lobe may lead them to say things like, “Why can’t I stay out until 2 a.m.? What’s the big deal?” They often just don’t get it.
2. Practice Saying: “This Discussion is Done.”
Get comfortable with this phrase; you’ll be using it frequently.
3. Resist the Urge to React.
As tempting as it may be to respond to their snarky comments or eye rolls, hold back. Your patience will serve you well.
4. Choose Your Fights Wisely.
Understand which issues are worth addressing. Is the dirty laundry on the floor a battle worth fighting? Probably not. But their grades? Absolutely!
5. Always Knock Before Entering.
Give them their space. Trust me; a polite knock before entering their room is a must. You’ll thank me later!
6. Stay Involved.
Even if they claim not to want you at their activities, show up anyway (but maybe tone down the enthusiasm a notch). They secretly appreciate it.
7. Be Their First Date.
Mom, take your sons out; Dad, do the same for your daughters. One-on-one outings with teens are golden opportunities for open conversations. Listen closely, as often the quieter you are, the more they will share.
8. Don’t Take Their Reactions Personally.
Amidst those special outings, expect plenty of silent treatments and eye rolls. One day, you’re their best friend; the next, the enemy. Remember, it’s all part of growing up.
9. Let Them Handle Their Own Drama.
It’s time to step back. Unless there’s real danger, let them navigate their friendships and conflicts without your interference.
10. Stop Saying, “My Kids Would Never…”
This phrase should be banished from your vocabulary. Trust me, when your seemingly perfect child surprises you, you’ll wish you hadn’t spoken too soon. And when friends face similar challenges, offer your support—because you’ll need those mom friends now more than ever.
11. Simplify Explanations.
Remember that developing brain? When teaching them something, break it down into simple steps. Even if they can ace calculus, parallel parking may require a bit more patience and guidance.
12. They Will Thank You One Day.
I’m convinced of it. After years of raising my teens, I find myself regularly calling my mom to apologize for my own teenage antics. Your time of gratitude will come too, potentially in the form of wonderful adult children and a new generation of grandchildren.
Lastly, know that you’re not alone in this journey. While it may seem like you’re the only one navigating the trials of raising a teenager, countless parents are in the same boat. Behind the façade of seemingly perfect kids lie the same struggles and challenges you face. To truly thrive during these years, find your tribe—those parents who feel like they’re floundering but are really doing a fantastic job, just like you.
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Summary:
Navigating the teenage years can be a challenging yet rewarding experience for parents. Understanding their developmental stage, choosing your battles wisely, and maintaining open communication will help make this journey smoother. Remember, while the path may feel daunting at times, you are not alone, and the rewards of raising a teenager will come in time.