I’ve struggled with anxiety since I was around eight years old. Although I may not always show it, I experience intense anxiety attacks that can strike unexpectedly, even when I feel like I’ve been managing well. Just this past week, I enjoyed several days free from anxiety, feeling like a typical parent as I tackled chores, worked, and cared for my home and children.
However, everything changed last night. My toddler woke me multiple times, I was dealing with menstrual discomfort, and Monday’s return to routine felt particularly overwhelming. To top it off, my first grader came home complaining of a headache. His behavior was unusual; he rarely retreats to bed unprompted. Suddenly, my heart raced, and paranoid thoughts began to swirl in my mind.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that my son was seriously ill. Perhaps he had caught a rare virus or, worse, had a brain tumor. It’s irrational, yet when anxiety takes hold, my mind leaps to the worst possible conclusions. I could see how unreasonable my thoughts were, yet I was powerless to stop them. My heart raced, my legs felt weak, and I was trapped in a storm of worry.
Then I started to fret about whether my son noticed my anxiety. The last thing I want is for my children to feel burdened by my struggles. I deeply empathize with the prospect of them facing the same challenges I do, and the thought pains me.
As I sat with my son, offering him water and attempting to comfort him, I felt the tension in my body rise. I wished to be a soothing presence, but instead, I felt overwhelmed. Anxiety took away my ability to be the mother I aspire to be. I found myself lost in my thoughts, feeling like a child again—vulnerable and helpless.
In those moments, I often feel frustrated with myself. I long to return to my usual self. While anxiety can dissipate quickly, sometimes it lingers for weeks, always lurking, ready to resurface. I don’t have foolproof solutions; medication has not been effective for me, though I recognize its value for others. Daily exercise and meditation help, and being aware of an impending anxiety attack allows me to practice mindfulness and breath control. Still, at times, the anxiety feels insurmountable.
One strategy I’ve adopted is to openly communicate with my children about my feelings: “I’m feeling anxious right now. I think I need to sit for a moment.” Initially, I worried about sharing my anxiety, thinking I should shield them from it. However, I realized they could sense something was off, so I might as well be honest about it. The outcome has been surprisingly positive. My kids have responded with kindness, offering support and comfort, even just by placing their hands on my shoulders or saying a few reassuring words.
Expressing my anxiety brings a sense of relief. It’s comforting to know that my children can understand it and be okay with it. I’m determined to ensure my anxiety does not become their burden. I prioritize taking care of myself, seeking help when needed. Despite my struggles, I believe I am a good mom.
However, my anxiety does impact my parenting in ways I wish it didn’t, sometimes overshadowing precious moments with my children. I hope that my experiences will foster compassion for the strong emotions they may face. If either of my kids ever grapples with anxiety, I aspire to recognize it and provide the support they need.
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Summary:
Parenting with anxiety can be a challenging experience, as it often affects one’s ability to be present and nurturing. A mother shares her struggles with anxiety, detailing how it impacts her interactions with her children and her journey to manage it. Open communication with her kids about her feelings has fostered understanding and support, allowing for a more compassionate family dynamic.