“Enjoy every minute of it” is often touted as the ultimate piece of parenting wisdom, yet it can feel utterly unrealistic. This phrase seems to come from parents who have somehow forgotten the chaotic reality of raising kids, believing that a gratitude journal can magically resolve all parenting challenges. While I secretly envy that blissful amnesia, in the thick of parenting, the only thing a gratitude journal seems useful for is concealing the cover of that “not-so-appropriate” novel at the playground. (Let’s be honest, I’m probably the only one who admits to reading it, despite its massive sales.)
Still, there’s this nagging voice in your head telling you that you should be relishing every moment. After all, you chose to become a parent. Didn’t you worry about whether you could even conceive? Naturally, you should be enjoying every second of this journey. What kind of parent wouldn’t want to soak it all in? You’re determined to savor it, or at least you think you are.
But here’s the truth: enjoying every moment is nearly impossible. You might enjoy some parts, a few moments, or maybe just a fraction of it all. And this bothers you for a multitude of reasons, especially because everyone insists that you should be enjoying every second. You might even wonder if you’re the only one not feeling that way. It’s tempting to retort, “Do you even have kids?”
When I think about it, I can’t say I’ve ever truly enjoyed every moment of anything—perhaps because I’ve never dabbled in any hallucinogenic substances. If I had, maybe life would feel like an endless, euphoric dance party. But short of that, it’s likely unrealistic to expect to enjoy every moment, especially when it comes to parenting.
So why do people keep saying it? Often, it’s because their kids have grown beyond the baby or toddler stages. They yearn for a chance to rewind time, to take in one more whiff of a baby’s head, to embrace a cuddly toddler, or to attend a soccer game where the jersey is comically oversized. They crave those moments of raising a teen, knowing they’ll soon be out of the house. But alas, they can’t go back.
And that’s where you come in. You represent a sort of second chance for them—an opportunity to witness a parent truly appreciate every moment with their child as if it’s the most fulfilling experience imaginable. But guess what? It’s not just you who struggles. They did too, and so did everyone who has ever attempted to parent.
Here’s a reality check: much of parenting is just plain hard. There’s the never-ending grind of it all—the daily rhythm that feels like an exhausting loop. Feed, change, rock, repeat. Drive, homework, plead with them to turn off Netflix, repeat. At each stage, it feels like the cycle will never end, and as a parent, you can hardly see beyond the next uphill battle. All you can do is soldier on, often nostalgic for a time when you didn’t have to memorize the mac and cheese recipe.
Beyond that unglamorous grind, the roles you take on as a parent resemble a combination of valet, janitor, nurse, Uber driver, and cook—all without pay or tips. I mean, why don’t the kids at least toss a few coins your way? You’re stuck doing the mundane tasks necessary for survival, and if you’re genuinely enjoying every minute of it, well, I’m a bit concerned.
Let’s face it: kids can be real challenges (not mine, of course, because they might read this and I don’t want to limit their future therapy sessions). But show me any child, and I’ll show you a bundle of sass. And don’t even get me started on the delightful chaos of three-year-olds and pre-teens. I barely made it through those ages and definitely didn’t enjoy every single minute. In total, maybe seven minutes of enjoyment during those years. And there’s nothing wrong with your kids or your parenting; kids are just human beings trying to navigate their way, pushing boundaries and testing limits. Good parents set clear expectations, but enforcing those boundaries? Not exactly a party.
Despite the lack of constant enjoyment, I genuinely love being a parent. It’s not just about the hilarious stories (though they are delightful). It’s the challenge that keeps me engaged—the beautiful messiness of it all. It starts with a grand vision of what kind of parent you’ll be, only to devolve into a struggle for survival, trying to maintain some semblance of sanity. Parenting resembles a cartoon where you make elaborate plans only to end up in a comical disaster. Meep, meep.
To clarify, those who tell you to savor every moment didn’t necessarily do so themselves. They weren’t sitting down at the end of the day scribbling in a gratitude journal, reflecting on their blissful parenting experiences. They, too, found themselves staring blankly at a bowl of cereal, exhausted and overwhelmed. Most aren’t trying to be condescending; they just want to remind you that every phase of parenting eventually passes. Each exhausting stage is replaced by another, equally demanding one, and once it’s gone, you can’t go back. And you’ll wish you could—perhaps more than you can imagine.
What we need is a parenting time machine! If only we could program it to any age and return to cradle that sleepy baby, ignore the fatigue, or appreciate the tiny hands of our toddlers. We’d love to relive those moments of passionate debates with our tweens. But alas, time machines don’t exist, and we can’t enjoy every moment.
What we can do, however, is take time to pause during the moments we do enjoy and truly absorb them. Memorize every detail so that when nostalgia hits, you can remember those moments vividly. One of my cherished memories is holding my second child before her nap on a warm afternoon. She was soft and squishy, and as I swayed, she nestled into my neck, patting my back just as I was patting hers. I can still feel her weight, the warmth of her cheek against mine, and I truly enjoyed every second of that moment. And in the end, that’s really all we can hope for.
For more insights on this journey, check out our other blog posts, including privacy policy and resources on home insemination like Cryobaby, which is an authority on this topic and UCSF’s IVF resources that can help guide your path.