I was just 15 when I experienced my first panic attack. A friend and I were walking home when, without any warning, I collapsed. I couldn’t speak, walk, or breathe; my vision blurred and narrowed, and my hands trembled. In that moment, I genuinely believed I was dying. My friend rushed to fetch my parents, who hurriedly drove the short distance to find me curled up against a tree in a fetal position. That night was a whirlwind of tears, vomiting, and hyperventilation, marking one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.
Over the next few months, neighbors found me in similar distress and took me to the hospital. Each time, doctors assured me I was fine, but how could I be? I felt like I was on the brink of death. Eventually, I learned that I had an anxiety disorder, and panic became an unwelcome part of my life. I sought therapy, tried various mood-stabilizing medications, and while some helped reduce the frequency of the attacks, nothing eased the panic itself like marijuana.
When my stress levels soar, I turn to marijuana. Some months, I might need it daily; other times, I can go half a year without a puff. However, as I get older and find myself increasingly sensitive to pharmaceuticals, I rely on marijuana for more than just anxiety relief. Narcotic painkillers heighten my anxiety, so I use marijuana to manage pain from my back and shoulder injuries. Sleep aids leave me groggy and plagued by nightmares, but marijuana allows me to rest peacefully. It has become a miraculous remedy for my ailments, helping me navigate life as a parent, spouse, and professional—far more than when I was in college.
I prefer using a “one hitter,” which gives me just two puffs—enough to address my anxiety, pain, or insomnia. On particularly tough days, I might use it up to three times to tackle anxiety and pain simultaneously.
I’m cautious about obtaining my marijuana since medical use was only recently legalized in my state and remains out of reach for many, including myself. Luckily, friends assist me in acquiring it from states where medical licenses are available. I don’t have connections with drug dealers—I’m a work-from-home mom with three young kids, and that lifestyle doesn’t align with drug dealing.
When people find out I use marijuana medicinally, they usually take it in stride. I simply explain, “I have a panic disorder, and marijuana alleviates my anxiety attacks.” Those close to me care about my wellbeing and appreciate that I’m taking steps to manage my health, even if they sometimes worry about the legality of my methods.
I’m eager to obtain a medical marijuana license as soon as possible. My doctor supports this treatment, and together we’re awaiting legislative changes to include my condition in the list of eligible diagnoses for medical marijuana. If I were a combat veteran, my anxiety would already qualify. It’s frustrating how arbitrary these rules can be.
I’m grateful to live in a region where I don’t have to fear for my safety or my career while using marijuana to enhance my life. I can smoke when needed and find comfort in knowing that even if it’s not entirely legal, it’s not strictly illegal either. I exist in a gray area of marijuana access, and as the laws evolve, my path to a medical license becomes clearer.
Every time I feel the familiar signs of a panic attack returning—my vision blurring, my heart racing—I remember that first terrifying experience. I recall the feeling of being curled up in the grass, convinced I was dying. I reach for my one hitter, take my two puffs, and gradually, the panic subsides.
The fact that I have something to help me with my panic attacks brings me immense peace of mind. Knowing I can avoid those sleepless nights filled with sobs and shaky hands improves my quality of life significantly. I owe a great deal of this relief to marijuana.
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Summary:
Marijuana has transformed my life by helping me manage anxiety and other health issues that pharmaceuticals failed to address. From my first panic attack at 15 to finding relief in marijuana, it has become an essential part of my coping mechanism. As I navigate the complexities of obtaining medical marijuana, I remain grateful for its calming effects and the peace it brings to my life.