Something incredible just occurred. My partner, Alex, and I were cozied up on the loveseat; he was browsing the internet (do people still use that phrase?) while I immersed myself in a novel. The kids were bouncing on the couch, cushions scattered all around. Suddenly, our youngest flopped onto a big pillow and gasped, “I need water.”
I vaguely registered his plea but was so engrossed in my book that it hardly made an impression until I noticed Alex shift from his spot and head for the kitchen. That’s when it hit me: 1) my son was thirsty, and 2) Alex was going to get him water.
Honestly, I was torn between being impressed by Alex’s initiative and realizing I hadn’t even thought to help. I used to feel a pang of irritation when he would strum his guitar in his pajamas while I juggled the chaos of parenting. I often wondered why he had the freedom to read while I was getting my hair tugged and my face sat upon by tiny bottoms. He played chess with strangers on his phone while I hunted down my preschooler’s toy. Instead of admiration, I harbored bitterness, much like a petulant child stomping their feet and muttering, “That’s not fair!”
I frequently clashed with Alex about this, calling him selfish and inconsiderate. He would respond, “You can’t be upset with me for not setting boundaries. You could also enjoy yourself if you let go of the need to do everything. Tell the kids ‘no’ sometimes, take a break, and let’s order dinner. It’s okay to ease up and not blame me for your choices.” He had valid points, and I had to admit, “You’re right…”
It hasn’t been an overnight change, but following Alex’s lead, I’ve learned to relax and not do everything at once. Now, I can laugh out loud while reading and occasionally tune out the kids. The surprising part? My family appreciates me more for it (and I adore them even more).
Alex has always been a fantastic dad. Today alone, he played a Batman matching game and engaged in two epic sword fights. He even had our 15-month-old snuggling up to him (maybe he’s seeking alternative sources since mine are off duty). But he is also great at taking time for himself. Can you believe I used to resent him for that? I stopped complaining and started learning from him instead. I love spending time with the kids, but I’ve also embraced the right to enjoy my own hobbies. I used to only write during nap time, but now I can be found at a Little Tikes picnic table while one child swings and the other digs in the dirt. A little benign neglect never hurt anyone.
Alex just went to the kitchen again and asked, “Do you want some water?” I was taken aback. Clearly, the secret to having more is doing less. I finally see the light.
I used to find Alex irritating—until I decided to follow his example. Now, I’ve adopted some of his best habits. I even take a moment to sit on the toilet with my phone for a few minutes after I finish up. Sometimes, I pretend to be busy if I hear a child approaching, shutting the door and locking it.
Alex is not annoying or selfish. He’s a brilliant source of inspiration.
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In summary, embracing a balance between self-care and family responsibilities has brought joy into our lives. By learning from my partner, I’ve discovered the importance of relaxation and enjoyment in parenting.