As I prepare for another Mother’s Day, I find myself reflecting on the stark contrasts between my parenting style and that of my mother. Growing up, I never dared to speak out against my parents, while my own children frequently raise their voices at me when emotions run high. Can you imagine?
Even more baffling is how often I have to repeat myself to my kids—sometimes several times—before they finally comply with my requests. It leaves me wondering if I’m somehow doing this whole parenting thing wrong. When I think back to my childhood, I can’t recall a moment when I felt as overwhelmed by my family as I often do now. My mother would never have tolerated the behavior I sometimes find myself putting up with.
But does that mean I’m a lesser mom?
To be fair, my kids aren’t misbehaved. In fact, they’re quite the opposite—polite and well-liked by teachers and peers alike. They’ve never been the type to throw tantrums in public or be the subject of gossip among parents. So what gives?
After particularly chaotic days filled with eye-rolling or sarcasm from my little ones, my husband and I often find ourselves mulling over these behaviors, perhaps while enjoying a cold beer. We can’t help but question how we ended up with children who exhibit behaviors that would have definitely led to consequences in our own upbringing.
In our homes as kids, there was a sense of fear that kept us in line. We followed the rules because the alternative simply wasn’t worth it. But in my household today? There’s no fear. Sure, it can get loud, but everyone feels comfortable expressing their opinions—even if it means raising their voices.
The way my kids communicate with me is another testament to how different my parenting style is. They confide in me about topics that would have made my mother cringe, like their friends’ risky behaviors or their own experiences as pre-teens. They share these stories over dinner or during car rides without a hint of embarrassment.
Additionally, my children tell me they love me often and for no reason at all. My own first memory of expressing love to my mother came much later in life, during my freshman year of college, and I still feel a twinge of regret about the missed opportunities to share that sentiment sooner.
Without a doubt, my kids are growing up in a different world than I did. My mother rarely interacted with my friends’ parents or attended my school events, while I find myself deeply involved in my children’s lives—far more than she ever was in mine. Yet with all that involvement, my kids still have their moments of selfishness and rudeness, sometimes even throwing in a swear word or two.
So who’s really doing a better job at this parenting gig—me or my mom?
Despite her imperfections, my mother’s fierce love for me was evident every single day. She raised kind, intelligent, and capable children. In the same vein, I strive to show my kids that my love for them is equally strong. I believe I’m raising kind, smart, and capable individuals as well.
In the end, I’d say we both emerge victorious. Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there—the accomplished ones, the struggling ones, and everyone in between. We’re all doing our best!
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Summary
Reflecting on the differences between my parenting style and my mother’s, I realize that while I face challenges and behaviors that would have been unacceptable in my youth, my love for my children mirrors the fierce love my mother had for me. Despite the struggles, both of us have succeeded in raising kind, smart, and capable children.