Today marked the first truly lovely spring day this year, and I took my 3-year-old son, Max, to the park. He darted around, his tousled golden hair dancing in the wind. He hopped from step to step, climbed the slide, bumped into other children, and eventually tumbled into my arms with a squeal of delight.
And there I was, glued to my phone, snapping photos like it was my job. I probably clicked away around 50 times. Something about today made me feel an urgent need to capture every single moment.
My little Max, 3 years, 6 months, and 5 days old, with that one stray hair falling right in front of his eyes. His blue sweater—once worn by his older brother—was already snug, with his long green shirt peeking out from underneath. I watched him spin around, searching for me every minute or so, those big blue-green eyes wide open, filled with both certainty and confusion.
I felt compelled to document it all, to preserve these fleeting moments. For children, time seems to stretch infinitely; every day feels like an eternity. As parents, we sometimes feel that drag too, especially during challenging times. Yet, we are all too aware of how swiftly our kids grow up right before our eyes.
So I took those pictures, hoping to freeze time even as it slipped away. While not every outing leads to such excessive photography, I often find myself capturing my kids whenever we’re out. Sometimes I ponder: am I missing out by being behind the camera so much? Am I truly present in these moments?
Growing up, my father was a professional photographer, and his favorite subjects were my sister and me. I remember having to pose at various locations—a giant Redwood, the amusement park, the beach, you name it. Even when I wasn’t posing, he was there behind the lens, capturing our everyday adventures, often emphasizing how much he loved candid shots.
At times, I found his obsession a bit overwhelming. It felt like a spotlight on me, a constant scrutiny. But amidst that, I also felt cherished. My dad would take breaks to play with us, always listening and engaging.
Now, I’m incredibly grateful for the countless, beautifully curated photos of my childhood through my father’s perspective. Some images bring tears to my eyes; they encapsulate the essence of my upbringing, which was often chaotic, yet beautiful. These photos provide a lasting tribute to moments that would otherwise fade away.
In this digital era, it’s easy to get caught up in documenting every moment instead of living them. Is my passion for photographing my children a problem? While I’m not entirely sure, I lean towards no. I believe it’s possible to embrace both—being a little quirky with my photography while also putting my phone down to immerse myself in the meaningful experiences.
As our morning at the playground drew to a close, Max urged me to chase him. I relished the liberating feeling of running after him without my phone, the wind in my hair, and the joy of pursuing his laughter. I allowed myself to be fully present, living in the moment without the distraction of capturing it.
But when we settled down to share a bottle of water, I felt that familiar urge to take a photo—his laughter, his expressions, the charming words tumbling from his mouth. I didn’t want to forget any of it, even though I knew in my heart that these moments are transient.
After a solid 20 minutes of putting the camera away, I finally pulled out my phone for one last shot of him in his stroller, munching on peanuts and crackers. I mused to myself: maybe today would be one of those days when my enthusiasm bordered on obsessive. My kids are my greatest treasures, and sometimes, a little craziness is part of the package. I’m confident that one day, they’ll appreciate all the snapshots I’ve taken, capturing the beauty in their every gesture and preserving those wonderfully ordinary yet extraordinary moments of their childhood.
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Summary:
This piece reflects on the joys and challenges of parenting, particularly the impulse to capture every moment of a child’s growth through photography. It explores the balance between living in the moment and preserving memories, drawing on personal experiences and the author’s relationship with her own father, who was a photographer. Ultimately, it celebrates the beauty of parenthood and the memories created along the way.