When your phone buzzes late at night, there’s a strong urge to ignore it. It’s usually not good news.
“I really hate sending this in an email, but I just couldn’t bring myself to call,” wrote a fellow mom, Karen, to me and a couple of other parents. “My son came home upset yesterday about an incident at school. I spoke with Mr. Johnson, and he witnessed the whole thing. I felt compelled to reach out.”
That’s when my heart began to race. She was telling me my child had been a total jerk to hers.
As I continued reading, Karen described some serious mean-spirited behavior—exclusion, name-calling, and borderline bullying. While my child wasn’t the ringleader, she certainly didn’t intervene, which felt just as bad.
“I understand my son can be sensitive and challenging at times, but they’ll be in school together for years. I hope we can work on improving their relationship. I’ve told him he needs to apologize for what he said, and I want to check in to make sure he does.”
I couldn’t help but admire Karen for her approach. She wasn’t accusatory or rude. She took accountability and focused on the facts, genuinely wanting the best for the kids involved.
That night, however, I was on an emotional rollercoaster. While I often say I want to be informed about my child’s misbehavior, I realized I was much happier before reading that message.
In the hours that followed, I experienced the five stages of finding out my child was acting like a jerk:
- Denial: No way could my sweet child do that! There must be a mistake. Maybe Karen confused my son with another kid who has a similar name.
- Anger: How could he do this? I’m furious! I brought him into this world, and I can take him out.
- Bargaining: Perhaps it was just a misunderstanding, or maybe the other kid exaggerated, or even the teacher misinterpreted what happened.
- Depression: Why did my child have to be the one causing trouble? Where did I mess up? It’s probably all that video game time!
- Acceptance: Alright, what’s the plan? Time to lay down some consequences and find a way to address the situation.
The next morning at breakfast, I broached the topic. I barely got a few words out before my son burst into tears.
“Mom, I didn’t know how to handle it. I feel awful. It started as a joke, and then things just spiraled out of control!”
I was skeptical, but as he recounted his version of events, it aligned with Karen’s story. I was relieved to hear he hadn’t been a primary instigator, but disappointed he hadn’t stopped the unkindness.
“So, what do you think we should do now?” I asked.
“Mr. Johnson made us write apology letters for homework. Here’s mine,” he said, sheepishly pulling out a wrinkled piece of paper from his backpack.
“Do you think that’s sufficient?” I pressed, trying to sound stern.
“Not really… I already apologized after school, but maybe I should do something nice for him too,” he suggested, looking down.
“Great idea! How about we both do something nice, like invite him for ice cream with the money you’ll earn doing chores this weekend?” I thought I was being clever for getting him to help out while securing a treat for myself.
“Okay, Mom. I get it now. I’m really sorry,” he said.
And I believed him. I felt a sense of pride for his willingness to acknowledge his behavior right off the bat.
We often say we want to know when our kids are misbehaving, but it can be tough when the truth surfaces. This incident was minor, yet it serves as a valuable lesson for future situations. Who knows what lies ahead? Maybe next time, I’ll navigate through those stages a bit quicker.
For more insights on parenting and navigating challenges, check out our other posts at Home Insemination Kit, where we share tips and stories from the journey of parenthood. Additionally, if you’re looking for ways to boost fertility, Make a Mom offers excellent resources. And for more information on pregnancy and home insemination support, you can visit Drugs.com.
Summary
Discovering that your child has acted unkindly can send parents through a whirlwind of emotions, from denial to acceptance. This experience serves as an important reminder of the complexities of parenting and the ongoing journey of teaching children empathy and accountability.