I’ve been there. I remember confidently declaring it when my kids were infants. I repeated it with assurance during their toddler years. I said it without a second thought when they entered preschool and later, elementary school. I boldly proclaimed it as they transitioned into middle school. And yes, I even shamelessly uttered it when they reached high school. The phrase you should never say as a parent? “My kid would never do that.”
I often said this because I was blissfully unaware—or perhaps a bit too confident—about the unpredictable nature of childhood. I truly believed that as a dedicated mom, I could raise kids who wouldn’t make poor choices. Great parents, in my mind, simply do not have children who engage in reckless behaviors that leave you questioning their thought processes.
Life, however, has a way of humbling us. I eventually found myself facing the harsh reality of my kids’ decisions, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. The moment I uttered those words too many times was when I realized how naive I had been. I had to learn the hard way that no child is immune to making mistakes.
If you’re one of those parents with a seemingly perfect kid, it’s easy to think you’re shielded from the common struggles of parenting. It can be tempting to joke about the mishaps of others while confidently asserting, “My child would never do that.” But let’s face it—this belief is simply unrealistic. Kids will be kids, and their decision-making skills are still developing. Most adults struggle with rational choices, so can we really expect our children to always get it right?
You might be one of the lucky ones who has raised an impeccable child, but for the rest of us, there will be moments when you’re left in disbelief, gasping, “You did what?!” So, grab a glass of wine and join me in accepting that it’s much more concerning to raise a child who has never experienced failure than one who has learned valuable lessons from their mistakes.
Life’s most important lessons often arise from our biggest blunders. Even the most well-behaved kids can surprise us with decisions we never anticipated, and it often has little to do with our parenting. If you’re here nodding in agreement, having already shed “My kid would never do that” from your vocabulary, I encourage you to be honest with other parents about the challenges we all face. Let’s stop pretending our families are perfect.
Start a conversation with other parents, especially those who haven’t yet navigated the tumultuous teen years. Remind them that allowing our kids to experience failure can lead to valuable growth. It’s crucial to acknowledge that any family could find themselves in a similar situation, and instead of saying, “Not my kid,” we should ask, “That could easily have been my kid. How can I help?”
In the realm of parenting, we are all just one poor choice away from being that family. Let’s extend empathy and support to those who are struggling instead of judging them. After all, we all deserve love and understanding, no matter what challenges we face.
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Summary
Parenting is full of unexpected surprises, and the phrase “My kid would never do that” is one best avoided. Understanding that every child can make mistakes helps foster empathy and support among parents. Instead of judging others, we should acknowledge that we’re all in this together, learning from our children’s experiences.