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Parenting Decisions I Sometimes Question
Updated: May 14, 2023
Originally Published: May 14, 2023
Sitting on the edge of our queen-sized bed, my 2 ½-year-old is throwing a fit, and nothing seems to calm him except nursing. If I don’t oblige, he’ll escalate into a full-blown scream that could wake his brothers, ages 4 and 6, who are squished together on the side-carred twin bed. They cling to my partner like barnacles. Some nights, they each insist on sleeping on his outstretched arm, while he tries to catch some sleep in an awkward position. Other times, the little one can’t stop nursing and decides to grab the opposite nipple while flailing about, leaving me torn between this odd half-sleep and the desire for him to just stay awake already.
I can’t help but think that if we had placed them in cribs as infants, we wouldn’t be facing this chaotic scene. We could have tucked them in at 8 p.m., and they might have slept through the night in their own beds while we enjoyed a peaceful slumber in ours. This idyllic vision often haunts me. Although we still believe our choices reflect the best path for our family, there are moments when I find myself wishing for a different reality.
Then there’s the matter of extended breastfeeding. I’m fairly certain my 4-year-old has weaned, but he clearly disagrees. In moments of frustration, he hurls himself at my chest, crying out, “Mama milk!” When I say no, his wails only grow louder. My 2 ½-year-old echoes this behavior, sidling up to me and asking for milk, prompting yet another tantrum when I turn him down. Just this morning, he screamed for a solid half-hour because I refused to nurse him. I almost gave in, but I knew that if I did, I’d be setting a precedent I wasn’t ready for. So, there I stood, holding a sobbing toddler, while my oldest concentrated on his reading.
It crosses my mind that if I had weaned them at around 18 months, none of this drama would be happening. They’d be so far removed from the concept of milk that they wouldn’t even ask for it. Although I cherish breastfeeding as a means to comfort and promote health, it can also be a significant hassle. I no longer wear nursing-friendly attire, so I often find myself awkwardly exposed while trying to nurse in public, which can be quite a nuisance.
Another decision I sometimes wish I could revisit is our choice to forgo strollers. I lovingly wrapped my babies in cloth, carrying them on my back or chest. I had a collection of carriers for them to choose from and prided myself on my babywearing skills. Yet, as soon as they outgrew the wraps, they flatly refused to be pushed in a stroller. They wanted to walk on their own, even at just 2 years old! If I had used a stroller more often, they might have been accustomed to riding in one, allowing for a more stress-free shopping experience. I adore the moments spent wrapping my little ones, but sometimes I wish they’d be willing to ride along instead.
Then there’s homeschooling. Some days, we breeze through math, reading, and science with enthusiasm. Other mornings, however, are filled with chaos when my oldest struggles with reading a simple word, and the preschooler and toddler revert to wreaking havoc with playdough. On those hectic mornings, I often fantasize about enrolling them all in traditional school. Sure, I’d face the challenges of drop-off lines, but I’d gain a few glorious hours of freedom. I could clean, write, tackle laundry, or even take a much-needed trip to the salon. I know this longing for freedom might be unrealistic, especially coming from a homeschooling mom, but on particularly challenging days, the allure of that dream is hard to shake.
And here’s a thought I never thought I’d have: sometimes I wish we spanked our children. I know, I know. We made a commitment long ago to avoid physical discipline, believing it teaches nothing and can be more harmful than beneficial. We focus on understanding their behavior and providing appropriate consequences. When my child jumps off the kitchen table, I feel a surge of frustration, wishing I could just smack some sense into him. I know that physical punishment wouldn’t solve the underlying issues, and I would never actually do it. Still, the temptation lingers during those trying moments.
We all have our parenting doubts and dreams. Sometimes, the grass seems greener on the other side, but deep down, we know we are making the best choices for our children. We understand what comforts them and what they need for their growth. Yet, every so often, we can’t help but wish for things to be different—and that’s perfectly okay.
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Summary
In the journey of parenting, it’s natural to question past decisions, from breastfeeding practices to discipline methods. While we strive to make the best choices for our children, there are moments of longing for a different approach. It’s vital to acknowledge these feelings as part of the parenting experience.