This is what motherhood means to me. It may not represent what it looks like to you, and it certainly doesn’t align with the portrayals seen in commercials, on social media, or in societal norms. As parents, we are bombarded with messages about the essence of motherhood, its appearance, and even how we should feel about it. These ingrained assumptions and expectations have become so commonplace that we often overlook them—unless we find ourselves feeling out of sync with the ideal.
On one hand, society tends to elevate mothers to a near-saintly status. On the other hand, mothers are held to impossible standards, facing scrutiny and judgment when they fail to meet these expectations. Honestly, I often breathe a sigh of relief once Mother’s Day has passed. In the lead-up to this holiday—and on the day itself—the pressure to conform to a perfect motherhood narrative can reach a boiling point.
Mother’s Day is a complex celebration, much like the journey of motherhood itself. While I’m grateful for my wonderful mom, I recognize that not everyone shares that experience. There are mothers and children who are estranged from one another, those grieving losses, and individuals longing for motherhood. Some mothers navigate the murky waters of parenting, just trying to find their footing.
Sure, many people have cherished memories of their mothers and celebrate Mother’s Day joyfully. Yet, the glossy images and saccharine quotes about motherhood do not capture its intricate reality. I often reflect on my first Mother’s Day, when postpartum depression made me want to hide from the world. I remember moments when fatigue overwhelmed me, like the Mother’s Day I fell asleep on the couch while guests chatted, my body still reeling from a recent miscarriage. And I cannot forget the holidays spent in the limbo of infertility treatments. For many, Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of what they’ve lost or longed for.
Over nearly a decade of being a mother, I’ve come to understand that the shiny images of motherhood—like those often shared on Mother’s Day—don’t resonate with my experience. And that’s perfectly fine because motherhood is uniquely defined by each person. It looks different, feels different, and carries diverse meanings for everyone. It’s complex, chaotic, and not always glamorous—but it is undeniably beautiful.
The candid snapshots of my life with my boys, like those taken in our messy minivan on the way to school, truly reflect my motherhood experience. It isn’t about brunches or perfectly staged photos; it’s about the daily moments we share. I believe my boys will look back and remember a mom in comfy clothes, not one dressed up for a fancy outing. They will recall our fun rides, filled with laughter, arguments, and heartfelt apologies, all tied together by my reminder to “Be kind!” as they step out of the car.
When I reflect on this time in our lives, it won’t be the gifts or cards that stand out; it will be the paper hearts my youngest son lovingly taped around the house and the moments when my oldest asks, “Aren’t you curious about who I showed kindness to today?” These are the moments that define motherhood for me.
In essence, motherhood varies greatly among individuals. It carries different feelings and meanings for each person. It’s a beautiful journey, filled with challenges and triumphs—not just on Mother’s Day, but every day of the year.
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Summary:
Motherhood is a unique experience that varies widely among individuals. While societal pressures often depict an unrealistic version of motherhood, the reality is much more complex and beautiful. Celebrating the small, everyday moments shared with children defines what motherhood truly means, making it a journey filled with love, challenges, and personal significance.