“Mommy, what’s up with that kid?” a little boy asked, pointing towards my son Ethan, an incredible child who just happens to have Down syndrome. A few years ago, he also lost his hair due to alopecia, which he embraces with confidence, though it often attracts curious glances. I turned to offer a friendly smile, ready to engage with the child’s inquiry, but the dad quickly whisked his son away, avoiding the moment.
To be honest, I’ve spent a significant part of my life feeling uneasy around individuals with disabilities. There was a time when I would have instinctively steered clear of someone who appeared different. If my young children had pointed out those differences with questions, I would have been mortified. However, my perspective shifted dramatically six years ago when Ethan entered my life, teaching me invaluable lessons along the way.
Many parents seek guidance on how to discuss disabilities with their children. I frequently overhear hushed conversations in parks, zoos, and supermarkets. I wish I could embrace every inquisitive child and well-meaning parent, reassuring them that their questions are not just acceptable but beneficial. We should encourage open discussions that promote awareness rather than allowing confusion and fear to take root.
Here are six important concepts to consider when discussing disabilities with your child:
- Embrace Differences
Children with special needs are unique, and that’s something to celebrate. It’s common to feel uneasy around anything that seems “different.” Instead of ignoring these differences, let’s address them respectfully and learn together. For example, Ethan has a distinct look with his bald head and almond-shaped eyes. Rather than shying away from these characteristics, we can appreciate how every person has unique features. - Highlight Commonalities
Children with disabilities are still kids at heart. Encourage your child to find similarities between themselves and a child with special needs. They may both have eyes, hair, or hands, and they undoubtedly share emotions and interests. It’s essential to remember that while some children may have disabilities, they don’t wish to be solely defined by them. - Clarify Misconceptions
Disabilities do not equate to sickness. It’s crucial to steer clear of terms like “sick” or “wrong” when explaining disabilities to children. For instance, saying “That boy has a sickness that makes it hard for him to communicate” can perpetuate misunderstandings. Many individuals are born with disabilities, while others may acquire them due to injury or illness, but disabilities themselves are not illnesses nor something to be feared. - Use Respectful Language
Teaching children the appropriate terminology for discussing disabilities is vital. Terms like “disability” or “special needs” are constructive. Instead of comparing children to “normal” kids, use “typical,” as in “A typical child might start walking at 12 months, while Ethan walked closer to three.” Additionally, derogatory terms like “retarded” are deeply hurtful and should be avoided. For alternatives and further information on language, check out r-word.org, which provides guidance on respectful communication. - Encourage Questions
Curiosity is a natural trait in children. If your child asks about disabilities, don’t silence them! If you’re unsure of the answer, feel free to reach out to the child’s parents. We’re often more than willing to help clarify and bridge the gap between our kids. Remember, it’s perfectly acceptable for kids to ask direct questions, and I’m more than happy to assist them in learning. - Utilize Available Resources
Numerous children’s programs, such as episodes from Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, explore themes around disabilities. Books like “We’ll Paint the Octopus Red” by Stephanie Stuve-Bodeen and “My Friend Isabelle” by Eliza Woloson and Bryan Gough are fantastic for initiating discussions about disabilities. If you’re looking for further resources, the University of Wisconsin–Oshkosh offers an excellent bibliography on various disabilities.
Thank you, parents, for your dedication to discussing this important topic with your children. Remember, the most effective way to teach is by setting an example. If you encounter a child with special needs, take a moment to smile and say hello. Your approachable demeanor will encourage your child to do the same, fostering an environment of acceptance and understanding. Ultimately, we all desire to be seen and valued—an invaluable lesson for every child to learn.
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Summary
Teaching children about disabilities is essential for fostering understanding and acceptance. By embracing differences, highlighting commonalities, clarifying misconceptions, using respectful language, encouraging questions, and utilizing resources, parents can equip their children with the knowledge to navigate conversations about disabilities with confidence and empathy.