As I lay in the ICU recovering from a life-threatening ordeal, a nurse from the NICU entered my room with a warm smile. “Have you thought about naming your babies?” she inquired. My little ones were just two days old, and until that moment, they had been referred to simply as “Baby One,” “Baby Two,” and “Baby Three.” Arriving a staggering 17 weeks too soon, my husband and I hadn’t settled on any names. How could we name “Baby One,” who we had tragically lost? This was a challenge we had never anticipated.
It’s common for parents to wait until they meet their newborns before selecting names. After all, a name is an integral part of one’s identity, carried throughout life. But for us, things were different. My husband and I had scarcely discussed names, aside from joking that we needed six—three first names and three middle ones.
The truth was, we were overwhelmed with fear. After a near loss at 18 weeks gestation, we began to hold our breath. Instead of preparing a nursery and choosing baby linens, we were anxiously counting down the weeks until our children would be medically viable. That moment came when they were born at 22 weeks and 6 days, and miraculously, all three made it into the world alive. Sadly, our firstborn, Emma, passed away just two hours after birth, leaving us in a haze of grief. Naming our children felt like the last thing on our minds.
On the third day, we noticed the NICU nurses had affectionately given our tiny babies names starting with the letter “J.” That was when it hit us—we couldn’t delay naming them any longer. I had only briefly met my little ones when I was finally wheeled into the NICU. Yet deep down, I understood that the time had come to give them names. As I sat in my hospital bed, wires and IVs trailing from me, my husband and I began to brainstorm. I pulled out my phone, where I had kept a list of names I had cherished over the years. James and Julia were favorites, and thankfully, my husband agreed. That part was simple—James and Julia were thriving.
Meanwhile, in the hospital morgue, our tranquil angel remained, still just “Baby One.” I hesitated to choose her name. What if none of our children survived? What if I wasted a name? How could I name a child I had held for only a brief moment, whose eyes were still sealed shut? Reflecting on those moments nearly three years later, I now realize the significance of a name. We always believed Emma had a lovely sound to it. We trusted our instincts, and I’m so grateful we did.
What I didn’t grasp three years ago was that a name is about the individual behind it. Your name is your identity, but it’s your actions and how you live that name that ultimately shapes your legacy. When we chose our children’s names, there was no grand reason—no family traditions or profound symbolism. They were simply names we loved. After Emma’s passing and then losing Julia two months later, I often wondered how frequently I would hear their names. Many people find it uncomfortable to discuss death, particularly the loss of a child. I didn’t expect to hear their names outside of family and friends.
Looking back, I never could have predicted how things would unfold in the following months and years. I hear all three of my children’s names every day. Sometimes, it’s me mentioning them; other times, it’s a friend or supporter sharing their names in conversation. Yet, it’s the tender voice of my surviving triplet, James, saying Emma and Julia’s names that resonates with me the most. The fear that my angels would be forgotten has vanished. Emma and Julia may have spent only a brief time on earth, but their legacy is everlasting. My dear son, James, embodies all three of them—a remarkable young boy making a significant impact in the world.
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Summary
Naming our preterm babies was an unexpected challenge filled with emotional complexity. After the loss of our firstborn, Emma, we hesitated to choose names for our surviving children, fearing it would be a waste. Ultimately, we embraced the significance of identity and legacy, realizing that names represent the individuals behind them. Today, I cherish the names of all three of my children and the impact they have left on my heart.